How to Tell a Child a Family Member Has Died
Dealing with the death of a beloved family member is difficult for adults of all ages. For the child who has not had much experience with a loss of this kind, the death of a loved one is devastating and confusing. While parents will want to shield their children from the pain and grief, telling a child the truth is the first step toward healing and learning to cope.
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Instructions
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Tell the child the truth about the death. Being up-front about what has happened is the best approach, using honest dialogue in a gentle manner. Resist the urge to soften the situation by saying his grandmother has "passed on" or "passed away"; explain that she has died and is not coming back.
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Grieve with your child. Another mistake parents make is to hide their true feelings, refusing to cry or get angry in front of their child. Your child needs to see you grieve so that she knows it's acceptable for her to share her feelings.
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Reassure your child with your own beliefs. Share what you believe about what happens when after death. This will ease your child's fears about the unknown and help him begin to understand that death is a part of life.
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Assist your child in getting through the tough emotions. Your child will feel sad and angry, but may also feel a little guilty and confused. Reassure your child that she didn't have anything to do with the death of her loved one, and that she could not have prevented it.
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Take your child to the funeral or memorial service, if he wants to go. Your child may feel scared to let you out of his sight and prefer to be close to you, even if it's at the funeral or memorial. Explaining the procedure and the purpose of a funeral or service will make it easier for him to attend.
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Seek out help if needed. If your child isn't dealing with the death of her family member in a healthy way, or if her behavior suddenly changes, reach out to a counselor, doctor or clergy. Also use other resources such as books, the Internet and support groups.
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Tips & Warnings
Encourage your child to ask questions, and take opportunities to start a dialogue with him about the death of a family member.
Let your child know that there is no right or wrong way to feel about her loss.
Adjust the way you tell your child about the death to his age. The words you use and the way you present it will vary from youngsters to teens.
While encouraging your child to attend the funeral is healthy, forcing her isn't. Take your cues from her.
Be careful not to let your grief get in the way of caring for your child. If you feel you are slipping out of control, seek help.
Try your hardest not to crowd your child. It's great to encourage communication, but he may also need space and your patience to get through his grief.
