How to Respond to a Verbal Attack

Physical attacks and abuse are rare in our daily lives, but verbal attacks abound. If somebody in your life is pummeling you with verbal attacks, here are a few ways to keep your cool and handle the situation without caving in to an overgrown bully.

Instructions

1. Ask yourself what happened and why it's happening to you. Write it down if you have to. What exactly did they say that left you feeling you'd been kicked in the gut? Are there any reasons in particular why they might have said this? Do they have any justifiable grievance with you? Have they done this before? Are they going through something rough or do they just lack communication skills? Don't excuse the behavior, but it's good to get your bearings.

2. Decide how you'll deal with this the next time it happens. Come up with comebacks in advance that put the meanie in check. Confrontation is inevitable in our daily lives, so be prepared to respond in a way that lets the other party know that you won't take it anymore.

3. Respond, don't react, to the next attack. You may want to react, and this is generally what the other person wants as well, for whatever their reasons might be. They want to get a rise out of you, but don't give them the satisfaction.

4. Call them out. The next time they say something, ask them to repeat it, or just say, "Hey, take it back," or the tried and true, "That wasn't very nice," or even, "Wow, tell me what you really think." Direct is best, but don't let an argument start or the tension escalate. Make a statement. You could even just say, "Wow. That was rude. Thanks a lot," and be done with it.

5. Walk away. Chances are, the bully will find somebody else to pick on. If you're stuck working with this person or truly have to see them everyday, tape record the next rude thing that they say and play it back for them. It may be the wake up call that they need, and if not, you now have proof.

6. Tell. If it keeps going with no end in sight, report it to your boss or if it is your boss, take it to human resources. If it's somebody in your life, tell them that you're through with them and explain exactly why.

Resources

• Oprah's magazine with information on verbal abuse
• Links to helpful articles at Hodu
• Suzette Haden Elgin's Verbal Self Defense Home Page