How to Know If a Boyfriend Will Be Abusive

He's sweet, attentive and charming. He may be everything you ever wanted. Or he may be the worst thing that ever happens to you. How can you tell if your new boyfriend will turn out to be an abusive boyfriend? Take a close look at his behavior. The following steps will help you identify abusive signs.

Difficulty: Moderately Easy

Instructions

1. Listen to what he says to you. If he calls you names or says hurtful things to you, get rid of him. He may claim that he was only teasing and that you should learn to take a joke. Or he may say that he was angry and didn't mean what he said. Neither excuse is acceptable.

2. Examine his jealousies. It's normal for a boyfriend to be jealous if you're talking to another guy (especially an ex-boyfriend), but it's not normal to be jealous of your family members or female friends. If he tries to keep you from spending time with other people or if he wants to be with you whenever you're with other people, get rid of him.

3. Watch your boyfriend's moods. If they change too quickly, and if he blames you for his bad moods, get rid of him. If you have to watch everything you say and do for fear of "setting him off," then he's controlling your behavior.

4. See if he respects your privacy. If he insists on knowing who you're talking to on the phone, if he goes through your purse, your mail or your checkbook, if he is constantly checking to see where you are and what you're doing, your boyfriend could possibly have an abusive tendency. Dump him.

5. Question his motives. Often what seems to be a desire to take care of you is really a desire to control you. If he encourages you not to get your driver's license or buy a car because he wants to drive you everywhere, if he wants you to quit work and depend on him for money or if he wants you to wear only clothes that he buys for you, get rid of him.

6. Consider your boyfriend's treatment of other people. If he's judgemental, intolerant and impatient with everyone else or if he wants everything his own way and refuses to consider the preferences or needs of others, get rid of him. Remember this adage: How he treats the waiter is how he'll treat you.

Tips & Warnings

• The sooner you identify a boyfriend that will be abusive, the easier it will be to end the relationship. Be firm and don't look back. Ignore his pleas and threats, even if he threatens to kill himself. If he threatens you, call the police.
• Beware of the idea that you can "fix" an abusive boyfriend. You can't behave well enough or love him enough to change him. Change is not what he wants (no matter what he says).
• Just because he doesn't hit you doesn't mean he isn't abusive. If you need help getting away from an abusive boyfriend, call (800) 799-SAFE.

Resources

• The National Domestic Violence Hotline can help you.

[Meca27]

on 7/29/2008 This article is so so. Apparently, abuse comes in all forms so this article only points out the obvious. Guys, stop reading these small blips that really don't cover jack doo doo and find a book on relationship abuses. A lot may surprise you but doesn't mean they cannot become better, more mature individuals. If your partner crossed the line, the real test is when you stand-up for yourself and they accept you standing up for yourself. THAT is the real mark of a good man.

[lexyandra345]

on 6/5/2008 what if your boyfriend has a temper will he become abusive with you? this article helps me alot, but i need more tips.

[ebruce2]

on 2/5/2008 I certainly hope there is a female version of this article as well. Good article.