How to Survive a Separation

A separation is a time to reflect on your relationship, your partner and yourself. It can seem more permanent than it should be if you carry it out unprepared. Follow some guidelines to ensure your separation doesn't default to divorce.

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderate

1. Set some rules about how you're going to carry out your separation. Stay away from each other for at least 3 months with the option to extend it.
2. Decide where you and your spouse are going to live. Set up a visitation schedule with the kids so they don't feel like they're losing a parent already.
3. Get together to tell your children. It'll be hard for them to understand this isn't a permanent separation, but your positive attitude will help.
4. Figure out when your marriage started going wrong. Be fair but truthful. Practice empathy in assessing how your spouse feels about whatever's disturbing your marriage.
5. Assess your needs. They likely have changed since you first got married. A separation is the perfect time to figure out how you want to grow and whether you and your spouse can support each other's growth.
6. Attend counseling individually and as a couple. A professional helps distance you from the emotional dilemmas in your marriage.
7. Practice your listening skills when you talk to your spouse about your marriage. Withhold judgment, no matter what your problems are. Concentrate on finding solutions.

Tips & Warnings

• Keep a journal detailing the story of your marriage. Writing things down will help you think clearly.
• Don't date others under any circumstances. This detracts from the self-reflective purpose of the separation.
• Avoid promising your kids you'll get back together even if you're pretty sure you will.