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Step 1
Become addicted to something, like alcohol, sex, illicit drugs or using homophobic slurs.
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Step 2
Refuse to go to rehab until your manager/mom forces you. Check yourself in to the most luxurious and expensive rehab facility you can find.
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Step 3
Leave rehab the next day to go shopping. Stroll down Rodeo drive carrying a small dog and looking like a train wreck. Purchase anything that costs more than $10,000.
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Step 4
Go to a club later that night. Dance like a maniac carrying a water bottle filled with vodka; aren't you tricky! Hang out with Paris Hilton, assuming she is not in jail. Sleep at home.
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Step 5
Go back to rehab the next day. Stay in rehab for a week and take advantage of all the spa treatments the facility has to offer.
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Step 6
Leave rehab and go to a friend's party/wedding/bar/bat mitzvah. Wear gigantic sunglasses and shield yourself from the paparazzi with a copy of "Us Weekly." Return to rehab and repeat the process of leaving and returning until your stint is up.
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Step 7
Tell everyone that you are cured and start wearing a Kabalah bracelet and visit spiritual counselors. Go on Oprah and talk about your success in rehab.
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Step 8
One month later start partying like it's 1999, fire your manager/mom and tell the tabloids you only went to rehab because you were forced and you never had a problem.
