How to Be a Mogul

If you are tired of your day job and ready to claim your rightful place as a master of the universe, then becoming a mogul may be just the path for you. Follow these tips to get started on your road to capitalistic fame and fortune.

Things You'll Need

• Ruthless ambition
• Evil laugh
• Minions to do your bidding

Instructions

1. Decide on your area of mogul-ship. If you own a fleet of ships or a worldwide telecommunications business, you are already off to a good start. If not, it's time to get a move on. Immediately take over a small business or country.

2. Get the word out. Proclaim yourself to be a mogul at every given opportunity. Go on lots of talk shows. Start random fights with heiresses or daytime TV hosts. Remember any press is good press when establishing your "moguliciousness."

3. Expand and multiply. To be a successful mogul, you do not necessarily need to be the best at what you do, only the biggest. Develop a brand name and slap it on everything you can - bottled water, cat food, online dating services, cheese, you name it.

4. Eliminate all competition. It's not enough to simply be the best and biggest in your chosen field of expertise, you must also ensure that no one else even thinks of doing the same thing. Start practicing corporate takeovers, or coups, as the case may be.

5. Develop a snazzy look. Do you think Donald Trump or Fidel Castro would have gotten where they are today without a sense of style? Weigh the pros and cons of a comb-over, or reviving the trucker hat.

Tips & Warnings

• No one said being a mogul is easy. Remember to take a break from moguling every now and then to enjoy the simpler things in life. Your empire can survive a few days without you.