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Step 1
Look for a group of single women. Cougars, the females, travel in packs. Look for a pack of older women hanging out at the bar. Most likely they will be loud, rowdy and seem as if they are having too good of a time. They want to be noticed. So if you notice them, they are already pulling you into their den.
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Step 2
Make sudden eye contact. Before you can figure out why, the cougar is holding your gaze. Cougars are not bashful. Their biggest appeal is that they are down to have a good time tonight. Forget the games, the coy gazes and having to beg for sex. Cougars are ready for attack. If they are holding your gaze, watch out for their deadly pounce.
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Step 3
Know that you will be caught in a "cat trap" if you accept a drink. This is a serious reversal for a man at a bar. Most men are used to buying drinks for several women in the hopes that one accepts their drink and graces them with their presence. Not cougars, they are not afraid of courting you. After all, most of them are older and have money to burn, especially from a jerk ex-husband.
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Step 4
Make physical contact. You're just trying to be polite and you accept their drink. But suddenly before you know it, they have their hands on you massaging your shoulders telling you how "boyish" and cute you are. You my friend have not only made contact with a cougar, you are about to be devoured by one.
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Step 5
Choose whether you go with her if she suggests you leave the bar. Cougars tend to move quickly. They know their prey is a captive audience and if a sexy young starlet comes sauntering, your attention may be diverted. You can go and have some insane fun or hold your ground and tame the cougar attack. It's up to you, but with the cougar's smart sensibility and surprising agility, you may just want to go on a hunt you will enjoy.
Comments
elite1985 said
on 4/14/2009 Funny article! I have been attacked recently!
cougar79 said
on 1/20/2009 Every city has a dozen or so notorious cougar bars. http://cougarbars.com
KillerJoe said
on 2/11/2008 Here's an amusing quick story: Recently my wife and our friends went to see a funk band and the age crowd averaged from mid-30's to 60's (Lots of middle-aged folks love Earth, Wind and Fire type music). Anyway, there lots of these "cougar" types there including two of our friends then half way through the night in came Cougar-Hunters; these guys were barely legal drinking age but made no secret as to their mission: Hunt desperate old women.
They were funny to watch as each of them (about 5) stuck out from woman to woman. These "Silly Rabbits" clearly don't understand the rule:
"You don't hunt the 'Coug', the 'Coug' hunts YOU!!!!"
The best part of the evening was watching these five knuckle-heads leave with their tails between their legs AND alone, I actually applauded loudly upon their departure and several women joined me, it was too funny. Stupid jerks :)