How to Do Nothing and Look like a Hard Worker

For years you've slaved over a keyboard, putting in long hours with little compensation, working your fingers to the bone at a job you don't like. Isn't it time you stopped working and started enjoying life? Think of all the online comics, blogs and celebrity gossip you're missing because you're busy working. Well, fret no longer. Now you can do nothing and look like a hard worker.

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderate

1. Have an escape plan. Doing nothing and pretending to be working hard is easy when no one else is around. The trick is to keep up the act when the boss makes an appearance. Always have a spreadsheet, word document or important work-related website minimized in your task bar on your computer. When you hear footsteps, quickly open your work-related application and pretend to be studying it intently.
2. Stay on top of your email. Check your email every few minutes and reply immediately. If someone asks you for something that would involve some sort of work, tell him that you're swamped and will get the information to him as soon as possible. Then sit on it for three days.
3. Keep lots of paper on your desk. Everyone will think that your work is taking over.
4. Check your voice mail often, so that when others walk past your desk you appear to be on the phone with a client. In a pinch, call yourself up at home and leave yourself a message about the TPS reports.
5. Every hour, print off a random document from your hard drive just to have an excuse to walk down the hall to the laser printer.
6. Learn to delegate. You will eventually be assigned some work, so divide it up into smaller tasks to pawn off on co-workers. That way you can do nothing and have something to show. This will also give you an excuse to go down the hall to check up on their progress. If someone important walks by, make sure to tell your coworker how important it is that she gets that report to you right away.

Tips & Warnings

• If you play your cards right, you just may get promoted to management.

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