How to Deliver a Baby in a Taxicab

For some parents-to-be, after months of planning, scheduling and fretting, the moment they realize the baby is coming right now can still sneak up on them. If they are unlucky enough to be stuck in a taxicab when that moment arrives, they need to be prepared. The following steps apply to both a taxicab stuck in traffic as well as one careening through streets on its way to the hospital.

Instructions

Difficulty: Challenging

Things You’ll Need:

• Bungee cords
• Hip flask

1. Stay calm. This is not the time to hyperventilate, faint, flail your arms, scream at the top of your lungs, wet yourself or start to cry. There will plenty of time for all of that after you deliver the baby.
2. Tell the taxicab driver. The miracle of birth does not seem quite so miraculous when it occurs on your back seat. Tell them to make their way to the nearest hospital. Instruct the driver that staying calm applies to them as well.
3. Make the pregnant lady as comfortable as possible. This may be a little tougher in a moving taxicab, but after you have used the seatbelts, bungee cords and whatever else you can find to secure her in the back seat, prop her feet up and make a pillow for her with your shirt.
4. Keep everything as sterile as possible. This includes your hands, the taxicab seat and clothing.
5. Let nature take its course. Babies are delivered in the backseats of taxicabs every day. Keep the mother as calm as you can. She will know when to push and when to rest, because her body will tell her. You're just going to get in the way if impose an artificial timeline on her and the baby.
6. Catch the baby. This is your most important task. It will be slippery and probably wiggly. Grasp the baby firmly and cradle it in your arms, using your body to keep it safe and secure.
7. Clear the baby's mouth, eyes and nose of any blockage immediately after it is delivered. The baby should begin to cry now.
8. Wrap the baby in the cleanest cloth you have. Experts say that here is no need to cut the umbilical cord right away. Let the surgeon at the hospital earn his paycheck. The baby and mom should both be fine until you reach the hospital.

Tips & Warnings

• It is customary to greatly overtip the taxicab driver in this situation. If you can, include a cigar.
• Do not try to take pictures of this event. It's just not wise.