How to Be a Moron

Your higher self is a village idiot. You need to show society your true colors. This moron tutorial will give you practical wisdom on how to manifest your lowest potential. It is practically certain that by reading it you will attain legendary moron status.

Instructions

Difficulty: Easy

1. Phone an ex-girlfriend you feel resentment towards. Although it wasn't you who ended the relationship and you feel bitterly betrayed, explain how wrong you were. Support your apology by saying that you are doing therapy to "correct" yourself.
2. Walk up to a stranger who has the same chemistry with you as one of your parents. Tell them that you like them. If they accept, you are moron. If they decline, apologize for the sexual harassment.
3. Go to a bank, put on a ski mask, point your index finger at the security guard and say in an ugly tone, "Where can I deposit my money?"
4. Get an interview for a position you are severely overqualified for. When asked what your salary requirements are, answer that you are willing to work as a volunteer because you believe in the organization's cause. Next, quit your present job, even if you haven't been hired at the new business.
5. Run a red light, cause a collision, then explain to the cops that colors have never been your strong point because you've always been a village idiot in math.
6. Find an illegal alien, offer them your passport and other confidential documents, then turn yourself in for committing identity theft. After all, turning an unsuspecting foreigner into a moron should be a crime.
7. Watch trash television at least four hours daily. Avoid programs that make you think. Remember, thinking is taboo for a village idiot.

Tips & Warnings

• Treating this tutorial as anything other than humor can be bad for your health.