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Step 1
Lose weight. Okay, this may be a tad blunt, but it's probably the reason you and your ass have fallen out of love. If it used to fit nicely into a pair of jeans and now looks like 2 pillows that have been stuffed into one case, then it may be time to take off the pounds. While there are a lot of quick fixes, it usually comes down to a simple math equation. Burn more calories than you eat and you will lose weight. This means laying off the pound cake and becoming reacquainted with that beast at the gym called the treadmill.
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Step 2
Lift weights. One of the reasons the ass is so easy to fall out of love with is that it's hard to keep toned. Because of the shape of the human body, targeting that area can be tough. However, certain exercises such as leg reverse leg curls, calf raises (while squeezing your butt) and hitting the stairmaster and treadmill will help target that hard to reach area. Try and snag the old Suzanne Sommer's Thighmaster off ebay. The exercise you can do with it is a butt squeeze. Thanks Suzanne!
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Step 3
Go shopping. Sometimes you fall out of love with your ass because your clothes just don't seem to fit right. Either they overly accentuate your booty or downplay it to the point where it looks non-existent. Get blunt with yourself, look in the mirror and diagnose your ass. What does it need to make you fall in love with it again? Then go shopping. But avoid the cookie cutter stores like Gap and J Crew, as they manufacture clothes for the masses. Spend a little extra money at stores that carry designer labels like Bloomingdale's, Macy's or Nordstroms and I guarantee you and your ass will soon be in love all over again! (Just don't overspend because then you'll fall out of love with your wallet!)
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Step 4
Have plastic surgery. Okay this may seem a bit drastic, but the truth is we all have things about ourselves that we wish we could change physically. Today, with modern medicine, you can change the shape of your ass. Butt implants have become increasingly popular and work just like breast implants, or if you need a little less "junk in the trunk" consider liposuction. Of course make sure you are consulting a board certified surgeon and get multiple opinions! Congratulations, hopefully these ideas will help you love your ass like you are a newborn all over again!
Comments
rillow said
on 7/24/2009 No dude you need to make love to your ass with your finger or a pencil, this guide is totally wrong.
TGreen1 said
on 1/26/2008 Love this article! And your sense of humor!