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Step 1
Think before you speak. It's a simple rule that grade-school teachers do their best, but usually fail, to instill. One of the most common causes of fights among relatives is a little comment or criticism that might have been innocent (or not) but served to spark a fight. Either way, if you think before you draw your sword, chances are that a fight will be avoided, and the holiday celebration, family dinner or reunion can continue in peace.
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Step 2
Avoid particularly pesky relatives. There's always some uncle, cousin or even brother or sister who's looking for a fight. The real trouble is that because this person is a close relative, it's easy for them to push emotional buttons. But take the higher ground by avoiding them after saying hello. If the person continues to make concerted efforts to annoy, simply treat them with the seriousness they deserve (which is very little) by laughing, ignoring their jibes and turning to a more worthwhile family member for conversation.
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Step 3
Laugh a little. If you can turn the topic of the conversation to something most family members will find funny, then you will succeed in brokering an unspoken diplomatic agreement among the family, at least for a few minutes. Remember that laughter is contagious, so recount a funny story (that won't embarrass another family member) or tell a joke (that doesn't offend any of the relatives in attendance) to lighten the atmosphere and avoid an unnecessary fight.
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Step 4
Leave at an appropriate time. Leaving a few minutes after you arrive is bound to offend someone, so stay a while. On the other hand, there's no reason to draw out a potentially charged situation, so know when it's time to go. If you're hosting, serve coffee 20 minutes before you want your family guests to leave, and they'll get the clue. There's no reason for relatives to sit around until they get cranky and rambunctious and feel like fighting, so get them out the door before relations begin to sour.
