How to Help Cope With Losing a Child
Someone you care about has just undergone a parent's worst nightmare: the loss of a child. Ultimately, the healing is their own to embrace, but you can play a crucial role in helping them overcome this tragic event.
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Instructions
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Be there. The loss of a loved one is hard to bear, but even more so when it involves the loss of a child. Let them know that you are available to listen and to help do tasks that they cannot (packing up the child's things at the hospital or home, notifying other people of the death).
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Write a short note of condolence. If you knew the child, tell the parents a nice thing about their child that you will always remember, like his sense of humor or her sparkling blue eyes.
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Check in on the bereaved parents. A quick phone call or visit will remind them that there are family and friends who care about them and lessen their feelings of isolation.
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Volunteer to go along with them when they do difficult tasks like pick out a casket or order flowers for the funeral service. They may need a literal shoulder to cry on at those times and may not be up for driving before or after the task.
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Keep in touch. Dates like the child's birthday and day of death will be especially hard for the parents, now and in the future. Let them know that if they want to talk to someone or not be alone on those days, you will be there for them.
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Take cues from the parents when it comes to talking about the lost child. Some will want to talk about him or her and will relate stories repeatedly, while others will barely be able to speak the child's name or hear it without breaking down.
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Tips & Warnings
Don't stop calling or visiting with the bereaved parents. Too many people drop away after the funeral. The parents haven't finished mourning yet and still need lots of support.
Take your cues about the level of support that they need. Do not force your presence on them as they grieve. Be a source of strength and support without being overt.
If you did not know the parents well before the death of the child, do not attempt to increase the depth of the relationship with them now. It may look like an obvious, contrived gesture.
