How to Save the World

Someone has to save the world, so why not you? You've run out of patience with global calamity, and the forces of evil are really starting to tick you off. It's time to get on the bandwagon of heroes, messiahs and ordinary people who give a darn. Follow these steps—distilled from religion, folklore and comic books—to start saving the world today.

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderately Challenging

1. Listen for a call. You may get a message in a dream, hear a summons from a deity or respond to a child's cry for help. Sometimes saviors don't know they've been called until they're already knee-deep in the saving, but it's good to stay open to inspiration.
2. Identify your powers. It's hard to save the world without a toolbox, whether it's packed with dazzling miracles or just a knack for using duct tape and paperclips to avert disaster. Figure out what you do best and how your gifts can make a difference. Super powers and heroic qualities tend to show up, like acne, at puberty. If yours haven't manifested yet, give them time.
3. Start small. Pick one thing you can do right now to help keep the world from careening off into chaos. Charitable and environmental websites, comic books, folktales and religious scriptures offer a wealth of suggestions. Your first step might seem ridiculously simple or insignificant—you could, say, save a cheerleader, as one TV show urges—but the important part is to begin.
4. Design your uniform. Most heroes and saviors can be recognized by their colorful, form-fitting suits and memorable accessories. Having a uniform makes it easier for people to identify you as the person who will save the world. It also makes a nice change from your secret identity, otherwise known as your drab, everyday self. The exception to this rule is if you're called to be a Buddhist bodhisattva or a Jewish tzaddik; these saviors make it a point to go unrecognized, sometimes even by themselves.
5. Join a team. Whether it's your local environmental action committee, a small band of faithful disciples, a global charity or a group of misfit mutants huddled around a high school cafeteria table, heroes need company. Nobody can save the world alone.
6. Persist. You will encounter resistance from whatever or whomever is threatening the planet. Strategize. Pick your battles. Take the long view. It took the world some time to get into this mess, and it will take more than a couple of weeks of summer vacation to sort it all out. Remember, any world worth saving is worth saving well.

Tips & Warnings

• Keep your day job. Saving the world is strictly a volunteer position, and you'll earn very little, except for the gratitude of millions.
• Maintain a record of your saving activity. It's a good idea to engage a scribe, evangelist, folksinger, mythmaker or Stan Lee to document your legend.
• Expect to suffer. It comes with the territory. Messianic trials can range from existential angst to difficulty maintaining romantic relationships. Painful, humiliating death is also a distinct possibility. The good news is that, by all accounts, no one who saves the world ever really stays dead.