How to Alienate People

Sometimes you just want to be left alone. You could take a vacation and lie alone on the beach for a week just soaking up the rays and improving your tan or you could find a remote mountain cabin and become a recluse. But for most people bailing out of society is not the answer, so it's easier and quicker to simply don a prickly coat and alienate everyone around you. These tips to alienate people may help you find your longed for alone time.

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderately Easy

1. Be completely preoccupied with yourself and your own problems and those around you will quickly alienate themselves from you.
2. Listen to others conversations only long enough to find an opening so you can talk more about yourself. This will offend people and make them feel unappreciated.
3. Take credit for the work of others. This may be the quickest way to alienate a coworker.
4. Put other people down just so you can feel better about yourself and soon no one will care how you feel.
5. Refuse to let anyone help you and then complain that no one cares about you. This leaves people feeling frustrated and confused.
6. Borrow money from friends, family or coworkers and never pay it back.
7. Deny having borrowed the money when you are asked to repay it. This is probably the second quickest way to alienate those around you.
8. Put someone on hold for an extended period of time and then tell them you don't have time to talk. This will leave a clear impression that your needs are much more important than theirs.
9. Have loud personal conversations on your cell phone in any public place.
10. Leave lengthy messages on answering machines that go on so long that the machine cuts off before you leave your number.
11. Forget to shower. Body odor can be very offensive.
12. Make sure you are in control of everything no matter what it is. This is a great way to tell others you have no faith in their ability to do anything right.
13. Exaggerate everything and become highly emotional about it. Drama becomes tiresome very quickly and soon people will avoid talking to you.
14. Ask for advice and then tell the person how stupid it is. Rudeness is a surefire way to alienate people.
15. Change the channel half-way through a movie your friends or family are watching and then leave the room. Being this inconsiderate of others will get you all the alone time you want.
16. Be late to everything especially if you planned the meeting or event yourself.
17. Promise to keep a secret and then tell everyone you see. People who can't trust you will stop talking to you.
18. Sulk if you don't get your way. Pouting can be very irritating to others.
19. Be possessive or overwhelmingly needy. Either one will alienate everyone around you.

Tips & Warnings

• Do the exact opposite of each one of these tips and you may be loved, appreciated, admired and respected by those around you.
• Use these tips at your own risk. They could make you a very lonely person.