How to Get a Favorable Child Custody Arrangement

In the event of a divorce, parents need to separate their own issues and tensions from the needs of their children in order to work out a child custody arrangement in the child's best interests. If you can't do that yourself with some maturity and dignity, the legal system will make it adversarial and that can get ugly for everybody. Take these steps to work out a favorable child custody arrangement.

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderately Challenging

1. Sit down with your former partner and agree to a rational discussion of what each of you wants and what is best for the children, if at all possible. You made decisions for your children together before the divorce; it's only right that you both continue making these decisions.
2. Speak to each other with the help of a divorce mediator, a neutral party trained to act as a negotiator between two opposing parties. Work toward shared custody if it's appropriate and possible.
3. Hire the best attorney you can. You want a family law attorney who has favorable record in child custody cases. Look for someone whose focus is on representing you in a positive manner, not someone who wants to "stick it" to your spouse.
4. Help your attorney document why custody arrangements should favor you. Some experts recommend that custody be patterned after parental involvement during the marriage. If work demands are heavy during the week, maybe weekend custody would be in everyone's best interests.
5. Prepare for a custody evaluation by a psychologist familiar with custody issues. Judges often require evaluations in custody cases. The psychologist should center on what is best for the child, so demonstrate that your child's interests are important to you as well.
6. Tell the truth. Do not allege abuse if it never happened. Unsubstantiated claims have actually assisted the accused parent in gaining custody on grounds of parental alienation (when one parent alienates a child from the other parent).
7. Obtain evidence in writing if actual abuse does exist. This is not the time to sweep it under the rug. Contact the police if you are abused. Seek medical treatment. Leave a paper trail that shows you aren't making it up. Do the same if your child is the one abused. Encourage school officials to put their observations in school records.

Tips & Warnings

• Children function better in a cordial divorced family than in an intact, combative household.
• Some states allow custody to be granted to non-biological parents or to grandparents when it's in the child's best interest. If you are a lesbian or gay co-parent or a grandparent seeking custody, seek help in determining your state's specific guidelines.
• Consider family therapy for everyone affected by divorce.
• Refrain from fighting with your former partner or bad mouthing your child's other parent in the child's presence.
• Understand that child custody law is not cut and dried. It is based on subjective decisions and recommendations from others.