How to Befriend Reptilian Aliens

The good news is that there are supposedly lots of reptilian aliens on Planet Earth. The bad news is that they secretly control society, want to drink blood and use humans for nefarious purposes. If you have decided to join the reptoids instead of fighting them, here's how to get on their good side.

Instructions

Difficulty: Challenging

1. Get a job in a place that reptilian aliens are likely to congregate. Most reptilian alien watchers agree that they enjoy being in a position of power. The top levels of government, the military, law enforcement and religion supposedly attract them in droves.
   
   
2. Watch for signs that you have encountered an alien. Physical characteristics like unusual eyes (either with slitted pupils or a second membrane), thin lips, scaly skin and a strong muscular torso may indicate a reptilian attempting to blend in with normal humans.
3. Make yourself useful to the alien. This could be something simple as making copies or coffee, or more dramatic like arranging to slake their almost limitless thirst for human blood by introducing them to a willing donor.
4. Assist the aliens when they are performing their rituals. Ritual is very important to them, as there is something in their DNA that thrives on it. Almost any ritual will do, whether it is a religious rite, a military or university graduation, a Freemason ceremony or anything having to do with the British Royal Family. The important thing to a reptilian alien is that it is scripted and repeated over and over.
5. Accompany the reptilian alien on vacation here on Earth. Reptoids are drawn to parts of the planet that are, well, other-worldly. Good places to find them are where there are lots of ancient volcanic rock (Arizona, Missouri, Arkansas and California). Antarctica is another draw for them, since their kind may have originally evolved either on or below that continent before it became icebound.

Tips & Warnings

• Notable supposed reptilian aliens include both Presidents George W. Bush and George H. W. Bush, Al Gore, Colin Powell, Queen Elizabeth and Condoleeza Rice.
• Approach any reptoid with caution. You don't want them to think they are being used. The consequences could be dire not only for you, but also for the world at large.