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Step 1
Adjust your use of the word "no" over time. In the first year of life, the word "no" is usually reserved for warning your child of dangers he encounters, such as a hot stove. Preschoolers might hear "no" regarding their negative social interactions. Older children and teens hear "no" in response to their material requests. Temper your use of the word "no" as your child's skills and independence grows.
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Step 2
Distinguish between reasonable requests and unreasonable requests. Seasoned parents often advise new parents to "choose your battles." You and your partner should decide what requests are reasonable. If your 5-year-old yearns to jump in puddles every day, perhaps he could be indulged now and then if you have time for a quick clean up before dinner.
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Step 3
Use the word "no" consistently for maximum impact. If your teenage daughter knows you will cave in and extend her curfew after 20 minutes of begging, she has learned that "no" does not really mean "no." Consistency is important across all age levels.
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Step 4
Substitute a choice if you feel that all you ever say to your child is "no." If your son asks to watch a movie you have decided is too mature, instead of saying, "No!" you could respond, "We can watch a movie, and the movies you can choose from are X, Y and Z."
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Step 5
Reinforce your values by saying "no" with a calm demeanor. If you become shrill (and what parent doesn't at one time or another?) you risk alienating your child, as she rolls her eyes and discounts your reasoning. Saying "no" one time, firmly and with conviction will become increasingly effective over time.
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Step 6
Remember to listen to your child and validate his feelings. Although we as parents are not obligated to explain every refusal to our children, sometimes we need to open up the lines of communication by hearing the child's side of the argument, even when we know the answer will still be "No!"
