How to Attend a Funeral

Attending a funeral can be an awkward experience. What do you say and how do you act during this time of bereavement. Follow these steps to maintain the proper etiquette.

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderately Easy

1. Note the date and time of the visitation and/or funeral. You don't have to attend both but the closer you are to the family, the more likely it is that you will attend both services. If you can not attend the funeral, make sure to go to the visitation.
2. Offer condolences by another means as well. A condolence card, a quick phone call or a meal prepared for the family will speak volumes. So many people come through the reception line at the visitation and funeral, the faces become a blur. A card can be read after the ceremony and offer support past the actual funeral event.
3. Send flowers if appropriate, choosing living plant if possible. Make sure the card is signed with your full name and relation if needed. An example of a co-worker card might read "Our deepest sympathy to you and your family. Sincerely, John Smith from Widget Inc."
4. Honor donation requests. In lieu of flowers, the family will often request monetary donations towards a charitable foundation. Envelopes or information can often be found at the funeral home or by asking the funeral director.
5. Sign register book whether attending the visitation or the funeral. Sign legibly and with your affiliation if necessary. Only sign the register book once though.
6. Follow parking protocol when attending the funeral. If the graveside service follows the funeral, there will be funeral home officials the parking lot, helping to guide the cars into a line and adding a funeral procession flag to your car. You will also be asked to keep your lights on during the processional.
7. Sit in appropriate spot at the funeral. The first several rows are reserved for immediate family.
8. Greet the family members either on arrival or departure. Offer a hug or shake hands, depending on your relationship. Offer your sympathies but do not offer clichés. Keep your words simple and heartfelt.
9. Keep in touch after the funeral. The funeral ends after a short time but the grieving goes on for much longer. Send a card or call periodically so the family does not feel abandoned in their grief.

Tips & Warnings

• Ask funeral director if you have questions. They have heard every question imaginable and can help point you in the right direction.
• Dress modestly. You do not need to wear black but choose a reserved and simple outfit for the funeral and visitation.
• Children are not always prepared to attend a funeral. Judge their maturity rather than their age when determining if they should attend.
• Do not lecture or offer simple clichés such as "He is in a better place now" or "It is for the best." Instead offer kind words that recognize the family's pain.