How to Raise Young Children During a Military Deployment

Children will inevitably feel the sting of a military deployment, but they do not always have the ability to communicate how they are feeling. Young children may wonder what happened to make their mother or father leave. Acting out is a normal reaction for children with deployed parents, but there are ways to encourage positive behavior, and the best way is through communication.

Instructions

Difficulty: Challenging

Things You’ll Need:

• Map
• Calendar
• Stickers
• Video recorder

1. Talk to your children before the deployment. Children need to hear honest explanations about where there parent will be, what they will be doing and when they are coming back.
2. Explain that deployment is part of a job. Children may internalize their feelings, and think that they are the reason their mother or father is gone. Even if they don't express this to you, make sure you let them know they didn't do anything to make their parent leave.
3. Stick to existing routines as much as possible, but create new routines that help your child communicate and deal with the temporary loss of their parent.
4. Post a map in their room. Mark where the deployed parent is and then where you are. Talk openly about the distance, but calm their fears by finding fun facts about where the deployed parent is. This may divert their attention from their fears, and give them something besides the distance to focus on.
5. Hang a calendar before the deployment and put a sticker on each day of the deployment. Give your child the sticker every morning and remind them that it is a daily gift from the deployed parent. They will wear it proudly.
6. Encourage your children to talk on the phone with their deployed parent and make pictures or write letters to send on a weekly basis. Make sure the deployed parent responds, either by letter or phone to each thing sent.
7. Make a recording of the deployed parent reading stories, and make this a bedtime routine. Hearing the sound of their mother or father's voice may calm them and make them feel like their parent is not so far away. It is also calming for the parent left to raise the children!

Tips & Warnings

• If it is possible, have someone take a picture of the deployed parent holding the picture or letter sent by your child, and mail or email it back. Mail can be a tricky concept for kids, but a visual image of their parent receiving mail can clear things up and make them very happy.
• You can help your child keep all the letters and pictures sent by the deployed parent by creating a scrapbook for them. Let them decorate it and look at it whenever they want. Don't be surprised if this becomes a permanent fixture next to their bed.
• Watch for changes in behavior, withdrawal from normal situations and periods of prolonged sadness. Children cannot always verbalize their sadness, and they may need extra help to figure out why they are sad during these times.