How to Spot a Potentially Violent Partner

Notice the red flags in a relationship before you become a victim.

Abuse and violence can happen to anyone in any type of relationship: rich or poor, young or old, gay or straight. Nobody is immune. Forewarned is forearmed -- so learn how to detect if your partner is capable of violent behavior.

Instructions

1. Listen when your partner talks about his life. If there's a hint of things getting out of hand, in which he talks about breaking things, pushing someone or making threats -- watch out. Some violent people take a strange pride in their behavior. If someone is proud of violent behavior against anyone -- but especially someone they were supposed to have loved -- run very fast and very far. They are dangerous.

2. Watch his temper. Lots of people have tempers but not all of them have violent tempers. There's a difference between being ticked off and flying into a rage. Someone with a violent temper will punch walls, slam and break things, kick things, or scream at dogs, cats or kids long before he hits you. But don't be mistaken -- people with out-of-control rage will sooner or later find you in their path. Leave them alone.

3. Blaming others is a red flag. If this person blames someone else for everything, such as an ex-spouse -- for getting angry, drunk or hitting -- then beware. Next time he might blame you for getting ticked off. Watch people with really strong and/or unpredictable mood swings.

4. Watch for substance abuse. Alcohol and drugs are very often involved in violent behavior. People who can't control their tempers often can't control the rest of their behaviors either. Watch out for people who indulge or who act like a different person when drunk or high.

5. Don't be flattered by jealousy. A jealous person is an unreasonable person and a really jealous person is simply a dangerous one. It is not healthy for someone to want you all the time. If this person doesn't want you around your family or friends, get away from them. A person who loves you doesn't need you to give up everyone else who loves you. If he does, then this is a sick relationship dynamic. Run -- don't walk -- away.

6. Watch out for demands and insistence, especially for things that make you uncomfortable. Being pushed into physically or emotionally uncomfortable sex is a really bad sign. This will not improve -- it's usually not the sex this partner wants but the ability to make you do something you don't want to.

7. Beware of overly needy and overly controlling people. Threatening to kill themselves if you leave is not a love message but a very sick, controlling one. Run from those who want to control all the money, or who make threats to you or anyone you know. Overly needy people can be manipulative to get those needs met. They may be even more dangerous, because they present themselves as helpless.

8. Get out while you are able to. People are hit, burned, raped and killed by violent partners every single day. Nothing is worth being this kind of a statistic. There is nothing to make this kind of person a risk worth taking. Just get out. There are so many who wait too long and have no choices left at all.

Tips & Warnings

• If you are in a situation where you are afraid to leave, call the police the first moment you are alone. Ask them to please come into the house and get you out. Tell them your partner is violent and easily angered.

• Violence doesn't improve without a great deal of long-term therapy. Many don't improve even with help.

• Don't be moved by begging or threats. The violent person is not moved by you.

• Just get out -- as soon as and as safely as you can.

References

• Heart 2 Heart: Relationship Warning Signs

Resources

• Read this Article in Spanish