How to Spot A Potentially Violent Partner

Domestic violence is on the rise in couples of every sort: Rich, poor, Hispanic, White, young, old, gay and straight. Nobody is immune. Forewarned is forearmed and here's the information you need to spot a partner capable of violent behavior.

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderately Easy

1. Listen. Listen when a potential partner talks about his or her life. Is there a hint of things getting out of hand? Talk about breaking things, pushing someone, threats made? Lots of violent people take some strange pride in their behavior. If someone is proud of violent behavior against anyone--but especially someone they were supposed to have loved--run very fast and very far. They are dangerous.
2. Watch their tempers. Lots of people have tempers but not all of these have violent tempers. There's a difference between being ticked off and flying into a rage. Someone with a violent temper will punch walls, slam and break things, kick things, scream at dogs, cats or kids long before they hit you. But don't be mistaken: People with out-of-control rage will sooner or later find you in their paths. Leave them alone.
3. Blaming others is a red flag. Does this person blame someone else for everything? Is it their ex-spouse's fault they got angry, got drunk, or hit them? Is it your fault if they're ticked off now? Watch people with really strong and/or unpredictable mood swings. It may be your fault he or she is acting like a lunatic next time.
4. Watch for substance abuse. Alcohol and drugs are very often involved in violent behavior. People who can't control their tempers often can't control the rest of their behaviors either. Watch out for people who indulge or who act like a different person when drunk or high.
5. Don't be flattered by jealousy. A jealous person is an unreasonable person and a really jealous person is simply a dangerous one. It is not healthy for someone to want you all the time. If this person doesn't want you around your family or friends, get away from them. What kind of person who loves you wants you to give up everyone else who loves you? This is a sick relationship dynamic. Run--don't walk--away.
6. Watch out for demands and insistence, especially in things that make you uncomfortable. Being pushed into physically or emotionally uncomfortable sex is a really bad sign. This will not improve--it's usually not the sex this partner wants but the ability to make you do something you don't want to.
7. Beware of overly-needy and overly-controlling people. Threatening to kill themselves if someone leaves is not a love message but a very sick controlling one. Run from those who want to control all the money, or who make threats to you or anyone you know because of you. Overly needy people are controllers and they are manipulative about it. They are just as dangerous--maybe more so because they present themselves as helpless.
8. Get out while you are able to. People are hit, burned, raped and killed by violent partners every single day. Nothing is worth being this kind of a statistic. There is nothing to make this kind of person a risk worth taking. Just get out. There are so many who wait too long and have no choices left at all.

Tips & Warnings

• If you are in a situation where you are afraid to leave, call the police the first moment you are alone. Ask them to please come into the house and get you out. Tell them your partner is violent and easily angered--they may want a show of force after talking to you. Domestic disputes get more officers killed than any other calls--they will take your warnings to heart.
• Violence doesn't improve without a great deal of long term therapy. Many don't improve even with help.
• Don't be moved by begging or threats. The violent person is not moved by you.
• Just get out--as soon as and as safely as you can.

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