How to Make Yourself Aware of Domestic Violence

Every year in this country two million women become domestic violence statistics. They almost never report it or get out of the situation right away. Because of this, statistics prove that there are many, many instances that go unreported. This happens in relationships of all kinds: Straight, gay, young, old, married, dating, rich and poor. If you are a victim, this is the information you need.

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderate

1. Know that it is not your fault. Almost all abusers blame the victims for their own unforgivable behavior. You did not make him (or her) hit you, burn you or even get angry at you. We are all responsible for our own actions. The fault lies with the abuser and never with the victim.
2. Understand that this abuse will not stop. This is not happening because of a pay cut, lost job, drinking problem or anything else. This is happening because one person is choosing to blame and punish another person for their own problems. It will not get better when the problem is resolved. It never gets better. It may stop for a short time but it will return. It makes the abusers feel powerful and blameless and in control over what is wrong with their lives or their heads--for a little while. Domestic abuse is a recurrent cycle. The longer you stay, the more danger you're in, and the more you will be hurt. You could even be killed.
3. Go to a safe place. Seek shelter for you and your children with friends or family or go to a shelter. If you don't know what to do, go to a police station, doctor or hospital. They will help you with your options.
4. Choose your timing. If you can't get out, wait until you are alone and call the police. They will come and get you out. Call from the basement or bathroom--wherever you will not be overheard. Never leave your kids there. If you're not there, the abuser may turn on them or use them to blackmail you into returning.
5. File charges. Get a restraining order. Make sure that your abuser will face criminal charges for even getting too close to you. Remember that this is a piece of paper and don't use it to provoke the abuser. Stay alert and be smart.
6. Get help. Ask police, doctors, shelter workers or other people who would know about domestic violence support groups. If your kids have been abused or have witnessed or heard your abuse, make sure that they get counseling as well.
7. Know who and what it costs. If you stay with an abuser, realize that you are teaching your children what marriage is all about. They will model what they see--not what you say. Kids of abusers end up being abusers or being abused. It isn't only you being hurt. Even if they don't see or hear it which is unlikely--they will pick up the attitudes of bullying and cowering that both of you model.

Tips & Warnings

• Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233.
• There is a lot of support for victims now--call around. Hospitals, social workers, librarians, police officers, doctors, ministers and more are good sources of help.
• Use the Internet to find local help as well. Type in "domestic abuse" and your city for local information.
• Domestic violence doesn't stop--it worsens.
• Domestic violence carries on in the lives of your children.

Who Can Help: