Signs of Sexual Abuse
Step1
Pay attention to your child's posture. If your child suddenly has pain or difficulty sitting or walking, talk to them. Check out their bodies but be prepared that they may fight you on this. Abusers often threaten to harm the children or their families or pets and your child may be terrified.
Step2
Look for adult behaviors. Suddenly seductive rubbing on or around the genital area, using sexual words or adult, flirty behavior. Don't fuss at them for this--you need them to talk to you about what's going on. Take action if you suspect any foul play. Young children (those under 12 and maybe older for some) do not behave this way unless they are taught to do so.
Step3
Watch for sudden shyness or fearfulness. Refusing suddenly to change in front of others or in gym class is common. So are nightmares, bedwetting and sleeplessness. When any of these becomes a pattern, this often represents a symptom.
Step4
Know your child's habits. Are they suddenly eating a great deal more or less? Do they want to be alone more or never alone at all? Are they afraid or reluctant to go places they always enjoyed? Do they talk about or try running away? Daycare, school, friends' and relatives' homes, the nursery at church, all seem like safe places but these are the places where kids most often get abused.
Step5
For older children, pregnancy or contracting an STD may not be promiscuity. It may be sexual abuse. Talk to your child and draw them out with kindness.
Step6
Talk to others--discreetly. Getting to know your child's teachers, principal, nursery workers and sitters is extremely important if you want to ensure your child's safety. It's not sure-fire, but one of the best tools you have. If you see warning signs, ask those your child is around if they've noticed that you child is acting oddly. Notice their reactions as well as their words.
Step7
Listen to your child. The last warning sign is the most important. If your child talks about or reports sexual abuse, believe it to be true. The evidence is very clear that this is not something that children make up. Where would they have gotten such knowledge if something wasn't going on? Remember what a risk they took in telling you and pay attention.
Step8
Remember to take action if you have suspicions. Keep the channels of communication as open as possible. Write down what you have observed and what your child has said if anything. Take your child to the doctor and explain to the doctor--alone--what you want your child examined for. Talk to the child's caregivers.
Step9
Take criminal action if it is warranted. If a sexual crime has been committed, you need to report it. If you don't you put every other child at risk and you make your child feel that he is either not worth the trouble to protect or that you think it is his fault. It is seldom that a pedophile has touched only one child and if your child is gone, he or she will find another. Incarcerated pedophiles nearly always admit that if they are released, they will not stop their behaviors. Keep your children and others safe by doing the responsible thing.
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