How to Come Out of the Closet

Experts say that about a third of gay youth will attempt suicide, which is four times the average of heterosexual youth. Maturity and a stronger sense of self can make it easier to come out as an adult, but how it goes depends a lot on religious beliefs and tolerances already developed among families and friends. Here are some guidelines to make your coming out a bit easier.

Difficulty: Challenging

Instructions

1. Don't put yourself on a deadline for coming out. Some gay partners who already are out may pressure you, but wait until you are really ready.

2. Start with your friends before your family. Your true friends will appreciate your honesty and be touched you were willing to share. Those who shun you will eventually come around and those who don't were never really your friends to begin with.

3. Delivering the news through a third party is a bad idea. Your family will want to hear it directly from you and will resent finding out from someone else.

4. Avoid coming out in an angry or defensive tone. That creates emotionally charged situations where no one is really listening.

5. Give family members a chance to absorb the news before expecting the worst. If you had good relationships with your parents prior to coming out, chances are they will accept it. It might be right away or it might be a while. Be patient.

Tips & Warnings

• Don't bring your partner to family gatherings and introduce him or her as just a friend because later, when you do come out, everyone will feel deceived. It's best to avoid that kind of situation.
• Don't be surprised if one of your parents, especially your mother, says she knew it all along. Mothers watch for signs and no matter how many proms you attended with the opposite sex, mothers hate to admit they were wrong about something this big in their children.
• Keep being who you are and eventually most family and friends will realize that your choice of a partner doesn't change your real self.
• After you come out, you will be more sensitive to homophobic comments. Better to walk away than start an argument that could lead to a fight.
• The stress of coming out can lead to alcohol or drug abuse. Join a support group or see a therapist if you have no one to talk to about your feelings.
• Realize that some family and friends will never accept your sexuality. This may be very painful. But you wouldn't like it if someone tried to change your beliefs, either. So live and let live.

[HappyHour]

on 7/18/2008 I just told one of my best friends and came to this website for advise. Thank you very much. (BTW I sent him a text message and it is 4 in the morning so I won't have to deal with his reaction right away.)

[mmmmna]

on 9/3/2007 My older brother was 'gay' back when it was called 'homo', in the late 60's. By the time he officially came out, EVERYONE in the family already knew, and we had known for many years. Our attitude was to keep the family love the same for him, before AND after he came out. Sometimes your biggest fears are unfounded.