How to Choose Bridesmaids

For some, choosing bridesmaids can be a piece of cake, whereas for others, it can be a highly stress-inducing dilemma. Use these practical guidelines to help you decide where to draw the line and where to bend tradition.

Instructions

1. Size up the gang. Are you going for a small, intimate gathering, a mid-size celebration or a huge bash? While more guests do necessarily mean more bridesmaids, the opposite of that is actually true. An intimate wedding with 50 guests may look odd with a slew of bridesmaids standing at the alter. The Knot suggests having 1 bridesmaid/groomsmen for every 50 guests, but anything from a single maid of honor to an alter full of attendants is acceptable today.

2. Keep it realistic. While you may find it difficult to exclude Mary but include Jennifer, know where to draw the line. You may get to the point where you don't know where that line is, and in that case, keep it simple and just include family and close friends. Remember that the more bridesmaids you include, the more ladies there are to agree on a dress, more body types to fit, and more bridesmaid's gifts for you to buy.

3. Be sensitive. If you know a friend of yours is having financial problems, be honest with her about your expectations. Let her know that you would love to have her be a part of your day, but that you understand if it isn't possible. If you simply cannot imagine not having her by your side and your budget allows, offer to cover her dress in order to lessen the financial burden. The same goes for friends who have chaotic schedules or live far away.

4. Ignore tradition. Just because your friend asked you to be in her wedding or claims she will in yours in the future, you are not required to reciprocate. If she truly wants you in her wedding, she will ask you without any expectations for you to do the same.

5. Consider the meaning. Sure, it's fun to include your college roommate because she throws a heck of a party, but if her morals are less than appealing, remember the meaning of a bridesmaid. She is there to stand with you and your future husband at the alter as a witness to your vows. She is committing to supporting your marriage through the good times and bad. You don't need a bridesmaid who will try to hook you up with her cousin the first time you and your new husband have an argument.

6. Finalize before you advertise. Once you ask someone to be your bridesmaid, that invitation should be concrete, with the exception of extreme circumstances. It is one thing for a bridesmaid to end up having to decline due to pregnancy, illness or other unforeseen circumstances, but you cannot fire a bridesmaid (again, with the exception of extreme circumstances, for example if she ran off for the weekend with your fiancé). Pick only the friends and family whose relationships you know can last the test of time.

7. Ask for backup. Remember that there are plenty of other roles that will be just as helpful for your friends and family to be involved with. Guest book attendant, readers and vocalists are some of your other options. Just be sensitive about asking them. Although you may think they would be honored to stand at your guest book corralling guests for an hour, she might feel slighted. Acknowledge that it might not be the most glamorous job, but that you would be extremely appreciative of her help.

8. Get the word out! There are tons of fun ways to ask your friends to be bridesmaids. Everything from a phone call or a surprise dinner to a personalized greeting card is acceptable these days. Check out Web sites like She She Me for "Will you be my bridesmaid?" cards you can order and send by mail, or go for the budget-friendly e-card from a wedding planning site like Favor Ideas.

Tips & Warnings

• Remember your bridesmaids are human beings with feelings and bank accounts that deserve respect. Have fun with them and make sure they know at all times how very thankful you are to have them supporting you on your special day.