How to Argue Productively With a Mate

Conflict arises in every relationship. It is a not a sign that your relationship is failing. However, the way you deal with conflict could determine how long your relationship will last. Handling conflict productively helps a relationship grow. You are going to argue sometime, so follow these steps to learn how to argue productively.

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderately Challenging

1. Be an active listener. Listen with the intention to understand each other's point of view. Focus on what your partner is saying, instead of thinking of your next point. Ask questions for clarification.
2. Take responsibility for your actions and feelings. You are in control of yourself. Blaming your mate for what you do or how you feel is a surefire way to trigger defensiveness. You can't argue productively, if you're each in your own corner.
3. Be clear. Neither of you is a mind reader. Don't make assumptions and don't expect your mate to do so. Say what you mean without becoming repetitive. Communication is a key factor in maintaining a relationship.
4. Be honest. Withholding information is a form of manipulation. To argue productively, be forthright about your wants and needs. Don't hide or attempt to disguise your personal agenda. Conflict thrives on deception.
5. Keep in mind what's truly important. Your goal is to resolve the conflict for the health of the relationship, not to put your partner in the wrong. There are no winners and losers. Resolution means coming to an understanding about the problem and what you both intend to do about it. That may mean agreeing to disagree and letting it go.

Tips & Warnings

• If necessary take a break from the discussion.
• Avoid name calling or other abusive behavior.
• Don't make blanket statements that use words like "never" and "always."