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Step 1
Begin with the words, “I am so sorry.” If you are face-to-face, you may embrace.
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Step 2
Listen closely. After you extend condolences, it is the grieving person’s turn. Follow his or her lead.
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Step 3
Do not offer reasons why tragedy may have occurred. Do not offer reasons why tragedy is “best.” Such rationales do not mend a broken heart.
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Step 4
Validate the bereaved. If a mistake led to the tragedy, offer understanding instead of correction. Cry with him.
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Step 5
Do not offer vague acts of support such as, “If you need anything, just let me know.” Oftentimes a grieving person has no idea what he or she needs. Bring lunch or dinner to her home. Hire a one-time housekeeper, and arrange to stay while the dishes and other chores are being done.
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Step 6
Arrange a get-away trip, or a change of scenery, if possible, for the grieving parent.
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Step 7
Commit to long-term support, and announce your commitment. “I want to be here for you. You are not going through this alone.”
Comments
denalilove said
on 8/13/2009 Here's a link to an excellent discussion on how to talk with grieving parents who have lost a child of any age. http://www.achieveradio.com/dennis-jackson Go to archives of show that aired on 8/8/09. "Messages From Beyond". The guest was a woman who lost 2 children, one a newborn and the other age 30. She articulately shares her personal experiences and talks about her connection with Compassionate Friends, an organizational support group for grieving parents and family members.
Coach4U said
on 3/14/2009 Good advice. Nobody knows how it feels until they lose their spouse.
emilharp said
on 7/28/2007 Such an important subject! An article that can help widows in understanding themselves, their feelings, and their new situation, with all its sadness, is this one, by Aesthetic Realism consultant Anne Fielding: http://www.annefielding.net/widow.htm.