How to Console a Friend

Consoling a friend isn't always as easy as just acting goofy to cheer them up. Sometimes their problems are too complex and painful for that to work. Sometimes they need to actually be helped. You may not always be able to be the one to help. Here are some tips to know who can help and what to do if you're the one to help.

Things You'll Need

• Compassion
• Understanding of mental health emergencies

Instructions

Find Out What the Problem is

1. Find out what the problem is so that you can decide whether or not you know how to handle it.

2. Find an appropriate person to help your friend for problems you don't know how to deal with.

3. Deal with the problem immediately. Drop what you are doing to help them. A true friend is always there when needed.

4. Bring in a parent, teacher or professional to help if your friend won't tell you what is wrong and seems overly upset.

Relationship Problems

1. Be understanding of any relationship problems. Don't say "I told you so."

2. Advise what you would do, but never say "You should..."

3. Remind your friend that you are only giving advice and that they must decide for themselves what to do.

4. Be careful in answering any questions about your opinion on abuse, cheating or anything else that you haven't seen. Instead turn it on them, and ask what they think.

School or Work Problems

1. Be sensitive to underlying feelings when it comes to problems with learning disorders or other problems learning.

2. Bring in an adult to deal with problems such as bullying or problems with a teacher.

3. Help your friend interpret the law when it comes to problems at work. You may find that the problem is violating the law.

4. Help your friend decide whether fixing the problem or maintaining their career reputation is more important. Sometimes taking problems to court can result in refusal of future jobs.

Health Problems or Death

1. Make sure your friend consults a doctor about any concerns about their health. Unless you are a doctor, you are not qualified to handle these. Every person's body is different; what worked for you could harm them.

2. Make every effort to be with your friend, or have someone else with them when they are expecting news about their health. If the doctor needs to discuss something with a friend, it is always a good idea to have support.

3. Comfort your friend when they have experienced the death of a loved one, but don't use phrases such as "They are in a better place" or "It will get better." These do not help and sometimes increase the pain they feel. Just let them know you are there, and that you don't know what to say.

4. Watch for signs of depression after bad news such as a health problem or a death. Get help if you see any signs.

Tips & Warnings

• For any issues dealing with eating disorders, suicide, evidence of harmful behavior to themselves, or talk about harming others, talk with their family, contact a Mental Health Agency, or call 911.

• If there is evidence of abuse to your friend, talk your friend into calling an abuse hotline for advice, calling the police, pressing charges and leaving.

• If there is evidence of abuse to your friend's child, and they won't get help, call Child Protective Services for help. NEVER leave a child unprotected. It is your responsibility to help them, even if it ends a friendship. A child's life is more important than anything else.

• Don't try to handle problems that you don't know how to fix.