How to Help a Preteen Foster Child to Succeed

Preteens are not the most difficult foster children to raise, but they are most certainly the most overlooked ones. Preteen foster children are at the most risk. This is simply because how you deal with them now will affect how they act as teenagers, how they feel about themselves and their future success.

Difficulty: Challenging

Instructions

Things You'll Need:

• Life books
• Compassion
• Patience
• Scrapbook
• Camera

1. Remember that this is the age most foster children feel the most self-conscious about being foster children. Talk with them about their feelings, and request counseling if they seem to need it.

2. Don't take their emotions personally. They are angry and scared and don't know how to deal with it.

3. Show the child appropriate ways to deal with feelings such as physical activity, music or talking it out.

4. Get the child a new journal with a lock. Let this continue to be private.

5. Let the child continue to help you record their activities, growth, birthdays and other events by keeping a scrapbook for them. Letters from you, friends and family would make the scrapbook even more special. Remember to add poems the child wrote or art they made, as well as photos.

Puberty and Rules

6. Discuss puberty with children between ages 10 and 12 if they have not already started puberty. Be sure you are prepared with feminine products for girls. Let them know they can come to you any time with questions and concerns.

7. Discuss appropriate sexual conduct with child after puberty. Let them know what you expect of them regarding the opposite sex. Be sure they understand that what they do now will affect the rest of their lives. If you are not prepared for this or are uncomfortable, ask your agency if there are sex-ed classes for the child.

8. Set rules for dating, activities and parties. Have these in place before the need arises.

9. Set chores, allowance and other house rules. Chores teach responsibility, allowance teaches money management and house rules help pave the way for the child to be a law-abiding citizen. They may also help when looking for a job.

10. Make sure the child understands that you mean business when you set rules. Enforce them. Give consequences appropriate to the crime. For instance, not doing chores should be punished by extra chores.

Education

11. State on the first day of middle school that what they do now will affect the rest of their life. Be sure they understand that grades will affect going to college and that not finishing high school or going to college could affect getting a job. Give them consequences for bad grades so they understand there is an immediate consequence, as well.

12. Discuss with the child what they think they would like to do after high school. Discuss whether or not that means going to college.

13. Take steps to ensure the child can go to college if they would like. Help encourage them, help them keep grades up and keep focused. Get lessons for special interests such as music, dancing, writing, art or sports.

14. Add good grades to the child' life book. Remember to add report cards, test grades, letters from the teachers or anything else that may be wanted. Take pictures of projects that are too big to keep and add those.

Tips & Warnings

• Keep a watchful eye on how the child acts. If they don't eat at all, very much or eat too much, there may be a problem. If they cry for no reason, have sudden weight gain, weight loss, unexplained injuries, seem frightened of someone or are violent with others, seek help. These are signs of mental health issues and possible abuse.
• Most children who get "lost in the system" do so during this period. Keep an eye on their grades, friends, activities and emotional state. Don't let problems ruin their lives. If you catch them soon enough, they may not even affect the child.