How to Discourage an Overly Generous Grandma

She means well. She wants to do the right thing. But she can’t seem to stop herself from bringing enormous objects to your home and offering them to your offspring when you really would like her to arrive without bursting your domestic seams or buying their love, and you don’t seem to be able to stop her! Follow these steps to learn how to discourage an overly generous grandma.

Instructions

Difficulty: Easy

1. Begin low-key and positive: “You are so great, remembering what the kids like, but you don’t need to bring something every time you visit. They’re just happy to see you and enjoy your company.”
2. Empathize: “I know it’s easy to want to give them every little thing they want, but I don’t think that would be good for them, or anybody.”
3. Divert blame onto your spouse: “Bob is concerned that the children are getting greedy and unappreciative, and wonders if you could you cut down on the presents?”
4. Think of her: “I know it must cost you a mint to buy and ship all these gifts for the kids. Why don’t you just give them gifts for birthdays and give yourself a cruise or a new car?”
5. Get practical: “The fact is, Mom, we can’t even walk into the kids’ rooms because of the toys, the basement is packed with sports equipment, the backyard is a maze of jungle gyms and trampolines, and the family room looks like a luxuriously supplied daycare. Please stop giving them presents; we can’t afford a bigger house.”
6. Get serious: “I mean it, you have to stop. Our daughter expects a present if she wipes her nose and our son thinks his every commercial wish comes true. They will be impossible to get off our hands someday if they get any more spoiled. We really don’t want to be the only couple on the block with a 35-year-old living at home.”
7. Get sarcastic: “Look, I know it gives you pleasure every time you walk in here with a life-sized stuffed lion for Sophie and see the look of delight on her face and the dismay on ours, but the fun and games have got to end.”
8. Get philosophical. Say the serenity prayer, teach your children by example the values you want them to have, socialize with others of your non-materialistic nature, give outgrown, redundant or inappropriate gifts to charity ... and let Grandma enjoy her generous impulses.
   

Tips & Warnings

• She’ll eventually run out of money if she keeps going at that rate—or so you can tell yourself on those days when you can’t bring yourself to fight the tide of materialism flowing into your house. Sometimes you can just let it ride.
• Don’t be surprised by Grandma’s glacial glares at your spouse if you blame him for the request to stopper the cornucopia of materialistic love. Be sure you have his approval before turning him into a scapegoat, or you may be getting glacial glares from him.
• Don’t begin discouraging Grandma without giving your navel a gaze. Are you jealous of the love she inspires in your beloved offspring, furious that she didn’t lavish you with expensive building sets when you were young or envious that she can afford the time to shop for just the right kind of action figure when you were too busy working, carpooling and balancing the family budget to go to the toy store? Make sure your motives are pure before squelching Grandma’s generosity.