How to Write Your Own Comic-Book Movie

Now that the Spider-Man movie franchise is on its third installment—and even obscure superheroes like the Silver Surfer are getting the big-screen treatment—you may have decided to redirect your screenwriting aspirations from understated, twee, little-seen indies to $200 million blockbusters. So what’s the formula for writing a successful comic-book movie? Read on for some valuable tips.

Instructions

Difficulty: Easy

1. Choose an available property. By reading the industry trades, you’ll get a good idea which comic books are currently under development, and which are up for grabs. Unfortunately, most of the superheroes have already been optioned (even if they’re destined never to reach the screen), but if you’re willing to lower your sights a bit, the “Baby Huey” movie has your name written all over it.
2. Adhere to the “origins of…” formula. It’s de rigeuer for the first movie version of a comic-book property to focus on the wheres, whats and whys of the superhero’s (or feathery protagonist’s) career arc. That means you’ll have to go back to the very first issue of Baby Huey and figure out why he’s so big, so dumb, and so, well, ducky. If it turns out that Baby Huey just plopped into the comic-book world sui generis, you’re in luck; you can make up whatever unlikely story you please. Think radioactivity or genetic experimentation run amok.
3. Tailor the villain role to a big-name actor. Ever since Jack Nicholson chewed up the screen in Tim Burton’s “Batman” (earning himself about $30 million in the process), studios have salivated over the prospect of a Lee Strasberg-trained thespian abandoning his principles and embracing the almighty mass market. Don’t be afraid to write your villain to suit the talents of Will Ferrell, Will Smith, or any other Will who’ll guarantee a big opening weekend.
4. Go heavy on the special effects. Sure, screenwriting pros insist that a coherent story is the most important element of any movie, but then again, these people aren’t oversexed, doom-addicted 15-year-olds with oversized allowances and limited attention spans. Load up your movie with hovercraft chases, asteroid collisions and extragalactic monsters; the more, the better. (Don’t be afraid that this goes against the spirit of Baby Huey—-remember that paragon of comic-book flicks, “Howard the Duck”?)
5. Ignore the reviews. If your movie does, miraculously, make it to the big screen, pay no attention to the notices of adult critics at such fuddy-duddy publications as Newsweek, The Wall Street Journal, or The New York Times. What’s important is whether “Baby Huey: The Movie” has captured the imagination of obscure radio correspondents or set the blogosphere on fire. And if you’ve had a good opening weekend, don’t delay—-get started on that sequel the next morning.