How to Prepare to Leave an Abusive Marriage

A marriage is abusive if one of the partners physically or emotionally harms the other. If you've made the decision to leave an abusive marriage, you must formulate a plan to escape safely. Follow these steps.

Things You'll Need

• Support system
• Transportation

Instructions

1. Learn the location of your nearest crisis center. For a list of domestic violence crisis centers, visit the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence Web site (see Resources below), or call (800) 799-SAFE.

2. Gradually assert your independence. Discover your own interests and talents. Join a community class to learn floral arranging, interior design, scrapbooking or another hobby. Take a course in accounting or real estate, or some other skill that can give you financial independence. Attending classes is also a good way to make friendships outside of your relationship.

3. Understand your problem at home. It's common for victims of domestic violence to blame themselves. The more you learn about domestic violence, through books and Web sites, the more you will realize your situation is not your fault. You'll also learn to recognize the warning signs of domestic violence and how to protect yourself from an abuser.

4. Forge stable, sincere friendships with people you can trust. You'll need solid support as you prepare to leave an abusive marriage, and your new friends may be able to provide emotional and financial support temporarily.

5. Realize you can't stay in an abusive marriage, no matter how many promises your partner makes. You must prepare to leave, before the violence escalates into a potentially life-threatening situation.

6. Contact a family law attorney to press charges or to obtain a restraining order against your abuser. This may seem like a dramatic step, but it is necessary to preserve your physical and emotional health, and, possibly, your life.

Tips & Warnings

• Before you leave, have all the evidence you need to take your abuser to court, including medical records, police reports and photographs of injuries.

• You have the right to receive complete restitution from your abuser in a timely manner, according to federal law.

• The psychological effects of spousal abuse can be profound and may include a deep sense of betrayal, feelings of worthlessness and a firm belief that there is no viable existence outside of an abusive marriage. It's vital that you seek help from a licensed therapist who has training in the psychology of domestic violence so you can come to terms with your ordeal and start the healing process.