How to maintain your crush on Bruce Willis

By Audie Metcalf

How to maintain your crush on Bruce Willis How to maintain your crush on Bruce Willis

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So, if you're older than 25, and a woman (or not), you've been in love with Bruce since he burst onto the scene as the glib, smirking David Addison. His first role. His finest role. Though nothing will ever come close to his Moonlighting days, there are a few stand outs...

Instructions

Difficulty: Easy
Step1
If you have a sick, unhealthy love for the B.W., you'll forgive him, for he knows not what he does.
Exhibit A. Blind Date.
I love it anyway.
Step2
Of course there is the shoeless John McClane.
Need I say more?
If you're feeling like your adoration for ol' Brucie is waning, pop in this old favorite and feel the love come rushing back.
Step3
Look Who's Talking. And.....look who's not watching.
Step4
Hudson Hawk is a sick, naval-gazing, Willis-penned affair. It's ridiculous and wonderful and awful and horrifying.
Step5
Even though he was even balder than normal, Bruce was bril in the (equally) bril film, Death Becomes Her. Truthfully, the shining achievements in this movie were Meryl and Goldie, but he was wonderfully cast and still bizarrely hot.
Step6
The Color of Night is probably one you haven't seen.
Because you have taste.
But I don't.
So I have.
He's hot in this one.
It's a delicious piece of trash with that hot chick from The Lover.
And you see his thingie.
Step7
He was sort of charming in the somewhat cheesy but ultimately enjoyable, The Story of Us.
Does Michelle Pfeiffer age?
Step8
After I have a fictional relationship with David Addison, I will move on to a fictional relationship with Jimmy "The Tulip" from The Whole Nine Yards.
Bald totally.
But still so fine.
Step9
And we come full circle to this summer. Where a rickety, mid-fifties Sir Willis comes back to save the world.
I can't wait to see him and his boyfriend Ashton and family arrive at the premiere!

Comments

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Ginnifer

Ginnifer said

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on 9/24/2008 Who says you have to be over 25 to love Bruce Wilis?!?!?

Lolo-B

Lolo-B said

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on 9/24/2007 B.W. Forever!! xoxoxox lol

JohanM

JohanM said

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on 5/9/2007 You're just hillarious, I've read a bunch of your articles and they're very entertaining.

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eHow Article: How to maintain your crush on Bruce Willis

Article By: Audie Metcalf

Audie Metcalf

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Category: Arts & Entertainment

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