How to Avoid Abusing Your Partner

Most people understand that any form of violent, unwanted physical contact constitutes abuse. However, according to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, a partner may inflict other, more subtle forms of abuse on a loved one, such as slamming doors or giving the "silent treatment," without recognizing the behavior as abusive. Since abusive behavior can instill fear, depression and anxiety in a victim, you should be aware of the impact your actions can exert. Follow these step to recognize whether your abusing your partner without realizing it.

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderate

Things You’ll Need:

• Computer with Internet access
• Telephone

Form a Plan With Your Partner

1. Communicate with your partner. Address your intent to avoid abusing one another in the course of your relationship.
2. Speak openly about expectations. Define what is and is not acceptable in your relationship.
3. Learn about abuse together. Check in with the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (see Resources below) to better understand the types of behavior categorized as abuse.
4. Evaluate your progress. Check in with yourself and your partner to ensure you are making positive forward movement. If not, consider taking the following, more serious steps.

Take Action to Prevent Abuse

5. Seek couples therapy to discuss personal and relationship issues. Communication can keep your relationship healthy and safe.
6. Investigate programs like NAMA: National Anger Management Association (see Resources below) to understand and control anger issues.
7. Get help to avoid abusing your partner. Call an abuse hotline (see Resources below) if you feel you are incapable of preventing abuse on your own.

Tips & Warnings

• Partner abuse in any form is not normal or healthy. Do not stay with a partner who is unwilling to acknowledge or change abusive patterns.
• Understand your right to privacy. If you work with a therapist to curb abusive behavior, everything you say will remain confidential--but if the therapist has reason to believe you pose a serious, imminent threat to the safety of others, he or she may be obligated to report you.
• If you you suffer physical abuse, you can file for a protective order. A protective order is a legal document that orders the abuser to stay away from you. Different states have different laws that affect everything from finances to your children (if you have any), so it is important to be aware of the implications of any abusive action.