How to Mourn Your Parent’s Death

The death of a mother or father is traumatic, especially if you’re a teenager or young adult. Even if you’re middle-aged, the loss of a parent can be very hard, but mourning and grieving are necessary parts of the healing process.

Difficulty: Challenging

Instructions

Things You'll Need:

• Scrapbook
• Journal
• Counselor

1. Allow yourself to grieve the loss of your parent. The grieving process includes shock, denial, bargaining, guilt, anger, depression, resignation, acceptance and finally hope.

2. Give yourself as much time as you need with each part of the process. If you don’t go through every stage, that’s fine—don’t pretend you’re going through it.

3. Talk about your deceased parent with your surviving parent, your siblings, other family members and any supportive friends.

4. Talk about the death, your feelings about the death, your relationship with your parent, happy memories, sad memories and angry memories.

5. Give yourself permission to feel whatever it is you’re feeling, be it anger, relief, guilt, confusion, depression, sadness, indifference, disbelief or all the above. Express these emotions in whatever way is helpful to you.

6. Find an outlet to express your grief and sense of loss, using your talents or desires. Go on a trip, paint a picture that reflects your feelings, write a poem, compose a song or start a journal.

7. Spend time with your loved ones, including your surviving parent and siblings, who are also going through a difficult time and need your support.

8. Accept support from friends and other relatives. Surround yourself with positive people, but give yourself some space and alone time, too.

9. Find something you can do to honor your parent’s memory. Fulfill one of your parent’s dreams, donate to charity on your parent’s behalf, create a scrapbook of your parent's life, paint a picture and hang it up or publish a poem in your parent's memory.

10. Consider seeing a professional counselor if you sink into depression that won't lift, if you feel you can’t cope with life or if you need help with the grieving process.

Tips & Warnings

• Don’t feel embarrassed about seeing a counselor. Many people use counseling services and find it very helpful.
• Allow yourself to grieve and mourn as you need to. Try not to follow a specific “formula.” Everyone’s relationship with their parents is different, and everyone expresses grief, mourning and loss in a different way.
• Don’t try to pretend everything is OK when it isn’t.
• Don’t try to “forget” about your parent or ignore your emotions in the hopes that it will make things easier.

[elizaknows]

on 6/6/2009 I lost my Dad 2 years ago in a tragic car accident. It was a difficult time for me since I was his favorite child and he was my favorite parent. I lived with my dad and had to plan his funeral. The first year was a time of the deepest depression and alcohol abuse I�ve ever experienced. I feel like I haven�t been through all the stages yet, so thanks for reminding me of the Stages of Grief I learned about in my Psychology class long time ago.

[AZCO]

on 3/2/2009 I recently lost my father and I had to plan his funeral. I was so busy that I really didnt mourn his loss till I got back home a month later. And then suddenly it hit me. Its been difficult and i have so many regest. I do miss him so much. Thanks for the tips.

[WarmTribute]

on 11/9/2008 I enjoyed reading your Step 6. That is one of the ways I have used to cope with the loss of my own brother. It feels very motivating to be productive for someone whom you truly love.

My outlet has been Warm Tribute Online Memorials (http://www.WarmTribute.com) and I invite whomever wants to find their outlet or immortalize their love one to create a free online memorial for them.