How to Name a Dog in the New Millenium

A new puppy? An older dog from the pound? And you need to come up with a name. You’d like something other than Max or Maggie—those went out with the 20th century. Well, there are plenty of original names out there for your bundle of joy, but just a few things to keep in mind—considering it’s what they will have to live with for the rest of their life.

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderately Easy

1. Pick a simple and easy name for your dog to respond to. One or two syllables would be ideal. For example, "Frank" is cute and has one syllable or "Emo" is kinda cool and has two. Even three syllables may work. “Megabyte” is clever, but just doesn't flow (and may convey the wrong message). Of course, you can always shorten it to “Mega" and use Megabyte only when she’s in trouble. Or in keeping with the computer theme, how about something more simple like "Reboot?" Or if your dog knows a lot—"Google" might work. At least for the time being—next year it could be as common as "Spot." Then you may have to go with "Wiki."
2. Give your dog a people name—those are always fun. But of course, you will want to choose something a little more unique than Rex, Sam or Ginger. How about Jeff or Sylvia? Another way to go is to pick a name that starts with the first letter of the breed. For instance, Wilma the Weimaraner, Betty the Bloodhound or Stuart the Schnauzer.
3. Name your dog something that pertains to his or her heritage, but try to avoid the obvious. In other words, come up with something better than "Kelly" the Irish Setter or "Gretchen" the Dachshund. What about "Shaun" or "Eileen" for an Irish Setter? For an Italian Greyhound, perhaps “Sal” or “Claudia.” A Chihuahua? Maybe “Jorge” or “Lourdes.”
4. Choose a celebrity name that pertains to your dog's breed. Name your Basset “Angela” or your Shepherd “Cybill" or your Pit "Brad." Forget the Boxer named “Rocky”—that’s the equivalent of “Rover” in the Boxer world. "Ali" is better—but still bordering on common, same for "Tyson." "Muhammed" is a little less common—or how about “LaMotta?”
5. Throw people a curve—don't go with Blacky for a Lab or Rusty for an Irish Setter—been there done that. How about "Whitey" for a black dog and "Blacky" for a white dog? Name your Chihuahua “Lurch” or your Great Dane “Cupid.” Or call your Bullmastiff "Tiny."
6. Give your dog a nickname that says it all. If she's an actress, how about "Ellen Barkin" or "Droolie Andrews?" An Oscar-winning actor? "Tommy Lee Bones." Likes to jump for the ball? It's gotta be "Charles Barkley."Enjoys car rides? Call her "Miss Daisy." Likes to fly? How about "Woofthansa?" Dabbles in the occult? "Aleister Growley," of course.

Tips & Warnings

• If you decide to go with a human name, it might be best not to pick one that is shared by a friend or relative. Could get confusing—and possibly offend Uncle Phil.
• Never give your dog a name you will be embarrassed to call out at the dog park or tell the receptionist at the vet. "Captain Stinky" is probably better as a nickname. Plus, what does that say for your parenting skills? Not to mention the complex it could give your dog.