How to Find a Clean Port-O-Potty at Coachella 2007

Having to use port-o-potties is one of the necessary evils of attending Coachella, or any music festival. It kinda sucks, but you'll be well-prepared for it if you read my other article, "How to Go to the Bathroom at Coachella" One issue I forgot to cover in that article is having to deal with the problem that, towards the end of each night, the port-o-potties can get really gross. There's always some people who obviously don't have very good aim, or control, or respect, and manage to get their, ummm... doody and pee pee all over the inside of some of the portos. This is a situation you want to avoid. So follow these steps, and you'll be able to spare yourself the horrors of a really nasty porto experience.

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderate

Things You’ll Need:

• Patience
• Bladder control

1. GO FARTHER. The groups of portos inside Coachella are lined up in 2 rows. Most people are in such a hurry, they just go straight to one of the closest portos to the inside of the festival. The ones down at the far end of the "hallway" of portos are not used as often, so walk down to the very end.
2. GO OVER BY THE TENTS. I may be wrong about this, but it seems to me that the portos just outside the entrance are the worst (in terms of cleanliness), followed closely by the ones just inside the entrance and over between the main stages. The portos over by the tents seem to be a little cleaner, especially if you go all he way to the back as described above. The worst thing that's happened to me while I was inside one of these portos is that last year, some chick climbed on top of it while I was inside! Seriously! She was trying to get a view of Madonna in the Sahara tent next door.
3. USE THE TRAILER PORTOS. There are usually a couple trailer-style portos (each with a men's room and women's room) with flushable toilets. These are usually cleaner. For the past couple years they've had one just inside the main entrance, and I think there might be another around somewhere too... not sure. Naturally, the lines are longer for these, but for some people it's worth the wait.
4. POP A COUPLE IMODIUM PILLS. Some people try to avoid the unpleasant experience of porto pooping altogether by eating light and taking some Imodium pills, which will down the digestive process. Disclaimer: If you try this method, read the directions and warnings on the box before taking any medication! I'm not advocating this... all I'm saying is that other people have done it!