How to Use Power Positioning for Persuasive Conversation

We all want to be heard—to be taken seriously, but there is more to it than saying the right words. There is always a dynamic going on when two (or more) people are together. There is a position of power and a position of submission at play in every human exchange. Learning these dynamics and how they work will help you really hone your relational skills and become a person to whom people really listen.

Instructions

Difficulty: Easy

1. Height is a natural position of power. All else being equal, many studies have proven that the taller person gets the job, the promotion, the better grade, more often. Taller people are more often listened to simply because they have a powerful presence. It’s a great psychological advantage. If you’re a tall person, use that to your advantage and realize that your height is a powerful and intimidating characteristic.
2. Use the height principle to your advantage even if you aren’t tall. You can stand when the other person is sitting or you can choose a seat where you are in the taller chair. The least powerful position you should cede to in an office is eye to eye where the playing field is equal. Never try to hold an important conversation with someone who is physically higher than you are.
3. Use another power position—the seat behind the desk. A desk is distancing—it’s a psychological barrier that puts one person in a position of having to approach the other person. This situation puts one person in a position of dominance and control and the other in a submissive position.
4. Be aware that the exception to the desk rule is when someone comes right up to a person already seated. This gives the person walking in the advantage in two ways. First, she is towering over the other person and she is invading their personal space by choosing to break through the barrier. She is in a position of much greater power than you are at this point.
5. Turn the tables around and take back the power position. When you see someone approaching your desk, stand up and graciously point out the nearest chair or go and get a chair and pull it up in front of the desk, but not too close, smile and ask them to have a seat. When you point out the chair you are giving direction which puts you in the power position. You have turned the tables.
6. Use the height advantage. When you have the person seated, if you have left yourself enough room, you can half sit against your desk and talk to them from a position of great power. Now you are towering over them and you’re in a position of much greater power.
7. Use body language when two people are seated. The power position here is with the person who looks more relaxed and in control. Sit way back in your chair, rest your hands on the chair arms or in your lap if there are no arms. Cross your ankles if you’re a man, your legs if you’re a woman. Use a facial expression that is a slight smile. You look at ease and in control.
8. Let the person to whom you are speaking lean in to you. It is natural for one person to lean into another during a conversation. He looks eager, anxious and you are still relaxed.
9. Let the other person speak first. It makes him the one with something to sell (his words, ideas and so forth) and you become the one with the power as you can choose to accept or reject this person and his ideas. He’s the salesman and you’re the only slightly interested buyer.
10. Use your facial expressions as you do your body language. A very slight half-smile shows a bit of condescension, as if you’re feigning interest to be polite. It’s obvious who has the power here. You can raise your eyebrows just a smidgeon and you’ll show a bit of disbelief. Look away for a half a second and you show a bit of boredom. All of this must be subtle. Don’t worry about the other person not getting it. You really don’t want him to get it. Without knowing it, he will react to it.
11. Let the other person read your seeming lack of real interest and try harder. He’s losing power, you’re gaining it. This is a great advantage if you are trying to get the best deal on something. Without knowing why, the person selling feels he’s losing you so he will usually offer more and better things to recapture your interest.
12. Eye contact is very important. No one afraid to look head on at someone else will ever be in a superior power position with that person. Maintaining eye contact is essential to your personal power. The trick is to maintain it without glaring or being so intense that you appear rude. While rude can be powerful, it is very seldom effectively so. Aggression does get things done, but it also leaves a path of destruction in relationships (ones that you may need later on) in its wake.
13. Use power positioning as a tool in your relationships in the business and professional world. It’s really about understanding the concept that there is always a power dynamic going on whenever there are two or more people together and, with practice, you can learn to make that work in your favor.

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