How to dump someone

Oh, you guys. Don't think of it as a chore--it can be tons of fun!

Instructions

Difficulty: Easy

1. Never say "it's not you it's me" --that's boring and untrue. It's totally him.
2. It's also fun to make them sweat. Flip flop your emotions as much as possible to keep him on his toes. Tell him you adore him one night, then say you want to try a 'break' the next. Hopefully he'll realize you're insane and break up with you first!
3. Don't worry about him after you do the deed. Even if he threatens your welfare, stick to your guns! He's just a manipulative lame-ass who's trying to guilt you into giving it another go. Surprisingly, boys are actually pretty weak and spineless--and are far more terrified of being alone than girls. But if you broke up once, it's because it's not right. Don't second guess.
4. I know people are all "horrified" at those of us who break-up via telephone, note or email, but why? It allows you a forum to detail exactly what you want to say without a pesky "dialogue". Perfect!
5. Don't ever feel bad when you break someone's heart. They were dumb enough to fall in love with a cold, heartless betch like you--so they fully deserve it.

Tips & Warnings

• Enjoy your breakups as much as the honeymoon phase of the relationship--both are inevitable parts of love.