How to Enjoy the NHL Playoffs as a Non-Hockey Fan

Perhaps it’s due to hockey’s heritage as a mostly Canadian passion, or maybe it’s just that it’s so darn difficult to keep track of that little round flat thing they smack around on the ice, but hockey has never truly caught on for the American sports fan at the level of baseball, football and basketball. The following insights may or may not make watching late spring’s NHL playoffs more enjoyable.

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderately Easy

1. Remind yourself that if you think hockey is boring now, imagine what it was like before they instituted the puck in 1978.
2. Invite the McKenzie brothers over for a few games, ya’ hoser. They’ll make it more fun, eh?
3. Enjoy a piece of sirloin steak every time a team scores. This is precisely how Pavlov taught his dogs to enjoy hockey, by the way.
4. Don’t forget, a good hockey game beats the ‘watching paint dry’ cable network over on channel 136. Okay, it’s a toss-up.
5. As you strain to appreciate the game, remember that you used to dislike Brussels sprouts and cauliflower greatly, too. Yes, you still do, but that wasn't my point.
6. Keep in mind that hockey players are some of the greatest athletes on the planet--following baseball, football, basketball, soccer, tennis, horseshoe and pinball players, plus gymnasts, golfers and tiddly-winkers.
7. No matter how bored you get, realize it still beats watching Canada’s second-favorite sport: fur trading.

Tips & Warnings

• My sincere apologies to any devoted hockey fans actually out there, and I hope the weather in Saskatchewan is treating you okay.