How to shop at IKEA

shop at IKEA

Rate: (14 Ratings)

Forget about the modern, inexpensive, swedish furniture--shopping at IKEA is almost entirely about their Columbo frozen yogurt. Ok--they have some cute stuff, too. The BORGEYORFORNUM is especially nice. Not really. I made it up.

Flag Article

Instructions

Difficulty: Easy

Step1

I love IKEA. I love it with all my heart. And I really would furnish my entire life with cheaply carpentered swedish-made DIY desks, chairs, tables and beds if I had my druthers. Why don't I, you ask? Because as much as I love the idea of IKEA, I really hate when people walk in my house and go "Cute! Ikea, right?" As much as you long for that oversized Audrey Hepburn batik-looking painting, don't get it. It doesn't look fashionable. It doesn't look like art. I just looks like IKEA.

Step2

If your plan is to pick up a cheap wok, a shag rug and a polka-dotted shower curtain, head STRAIGHT to the marketplace. If you first try and brave the furniture-display maze, you'll be too mind-numbed to concentrate on what you actually need.

Step3

Bring someone with you. Preferably someone with a vagina. IKEA usually overwhelms the average dude, and IKEA is a place where you need to commit at least 2 hours to. If you decide to brave it and bring your guy and he starts to develop a rash, plunk him in front of one of those Playstations in one of the fake display livingrooms until his frightening pallor slowly shifts back into a pinkish hue.

Step4

Bring your truck! Or your caravan! Or your hummer!
Uch.
What are you doing driving an effing hummer? You grabby, earth-loathing jerk.

Step5

If you're but a wee thing, or just a lazy one, IKEA offers delivery for an amount based on your purchase. If you buy a huge pile of those nightmarish flat-packed items, it would probably be worth your while.

Tips & Warnings

I totally just realized IKEA is the word IDEA with a K. Does that make me super dumb for just realizing this now--or haven't YOU even thought of it?

Comments

CatCarter said

Flag This Comment

on 5/7/2008 Sigh.
M Said such nasty things because his[her?] town doesn't have an IKEA. jealousy is so ugly.

NHgirl said

Flag This Comment

on 1/11/2008 Funny article... I enjoyed reading it... but I don't think it taught me anyhting about shopping at IKEA.
I think MTorresmd probably owns a hummer! :)

RanaAurora said

Flag This Comment

on 10/27/2007 You forgot to mention the biggest part of IKEA... grab that little paper and pencil when you walk in! It's a display room, with numbers, and then a warehouse at the end! To get anything, you need to be writing down the numbers of the things you want!
It sucks horribly to walk around for 2 hours, only to realize that at the end...

*sigh*

forsythepjones said

Flag This Comment

on 7/25/2007 MTorresmd should go to Ikea and see if they have a sense of humor for sale. Lighten up, buddy. This article is funny.

zalamander said

Flag This Comment

on 7/25/2007 I found this article hiliarious! What cheek and sarcasm - lol. I also have a love-hate relationship with Ikea. I can't stand the ikea look too but I'm just moving house now and its cheap and cheerful furniture will be a godsend after all the money I have to fork out.

View All