How to Keep Your Top On at New Orleans Jazz Fest

While attending Jazz Fest, you may decide to leave the concert grounds and venture out into the streets of New Orleans--where you’ll notice that for some--Mardi Gras is a year ‘round event. If you’re female, there’s a good chance you’ll hear the same request shouted at you over and over--from rooftops, from streetcars--from anywhere, really. You don’t have to be rude--there are a myriad of ways to politely decline the invitation to take off your top.

Instructions

Difficulty: Easy

1. "Show us your t--s!"
   Response: Let me go ask my husband...he’s a cop.
2. "Show us your t--s!"
   Response: I’m sorry, I have a really bad sunburn and it’s in the itchy phase right now.
3. "Show us your t--s!"
   Response: Show me your beads. (They won’t have any; it’s not Mardi Gras.)
4. “Show us your t--s!"
   Response: I’m a cross dresser, but if you have a thing for toilet paper...they’re all yours.

Tips & Warnings

• Always walk with at least one other female, preferably an exhibitionist--that should hopefully take some of the pressure off of you.
• No matter how moved you are by the music on stage...you don’t have to take your top off. There are plenty of other ways to get the singer’s attention. If it’s Rod Stewart, for instance...and you’re 18...chances are he’s already noticed you.
• If someone yells: “Show us your t--s!"...and you're only on a layover in Houston...it's not legit.