How to Choose Your Wedding Attendents

Your wedding attendants should be your closest friends and family that stood by you in your single life and can now stand by you at your wedding. Choose your wedding attendants with care, this decision means a lot to those you choose and should mean a lot to you as well. Selecting a bridesmaid or groomsman signifies a deep, trusting relationship with that person that is almost as important as your commitment to the one you are being wed to.

Instructions

Difficulty: Easy

Things You’ll Need:

• Short list of close friends

1. Decide on the number of wedding attendants. The general rule of thumb is one groomsman and bridesmaid for every 50 guests, but this rule is merely tradition. Choose a number that fits the size of the wedding and your budget. More attendants means more expenses and more complications.
2. Make a short list. Reflect upon your life — the rough times and the good times, the memorable experiences and monumental chapters in your growth — and think of all the people that have played a large role. These could be best friends, roommates or even cousins or siblings. Choose someone with whom you've had a defining friendship with.
3. Talk it over with your partner. While the final decision comes down to you alone, it might be nice to bounce your ideas back and forth. When there is some tension or animosity between your partner and one of your friends, it might be best to leave them out, rather than spoil your partner's experience.
4. Make your final decision 10 months in advance. This is a good timetable so you can have everything in order on time. You'll definitely want to have the wedding party figured out by the engagement party, as everyone will be asking to be introduced and it will be easier to refer to them as their roles in the wedding as well as your life.
5. Once you have finalized your list, think of a creative and graceful way to approach potential bridesmaids or groomsmen. Over the phone is sufficient, but in person is better. Or you can ask them all at once at a special gathering, or send them a card.
6. Work together to plan the wedding and arrangements. Hopefully, your wedding attendants will be close enough and enthusiastic enough to work closely with you for pre-wedding arrangements. Keep in contact with them and ask for their input as well as keep them posted on updates.

Tips & Warnings

• Although it is a break from tradition, you can have an attendant on your side of the opposite gender. Call your best platonic girlfriend a “wedding attendant” rather than a “groom's maid.”
• It is a kind gesture of acceptance to ask your future-spouse's siblings to be one of your groomsmen or bridesmaids.
• There's no reason to have an equal number of bridesmaids and groomsmen, unless you are planning a fastidiously anal retentive themed ceremony with an emphasis on symmetry.
• Asking attendants to be in your wedding all at once is a good way to avoid making someone feel like they were a backup or second choice when someone falls through.
• Include other important friends and family members that didn't make the cut by letting them distribute programs, light candles, do readings or involve themselves in other ways in the ceremony.
• Be sure to explain your decisions to everyone. You'd be surprised at the wild imaginations of someone who has been disappointed and has their feelings hurt. Make an extra effort to show that you do appreciate them.
• Don't assume someone is going to want to be in your wedding. Phrase your decision as a request, or an offer, not a decree.
• Don't feel obligated to reciprocate if someone has asked you to be an attendant at their wedding. Eye for an eye worked for Hammurabi, but is too petty for an important event like your wedding ceremony.