How to Make the Perfect Pavlova

Let me guess--you've never heard of it. Neither had I, until I lived in England for a spell and those graveyard-toothed, overcooked vegetable-loving, burnt steak-eating drunks served it to me. Then I was hooked. Oh, don't be mad at me for talking about ol' Blighty that way. I'm an honorary member. I get to trash it. When a country has the audacity to charge me £8 for bottled water, the least I can do is make fun of their poor dentistry.

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderate

Things You’ll Need:

• parchment paper
• Sugar
• Whipped cream
• salt
• 4 eggs
• White vinegar
• Cocoa or fruit
• Cornstarch
• Vanilla
• Oven

1. Pre-heat your oven to 350 degrees F.
2. Throw 4 egg whites in your mixer and beat until totally stiff (you can also hand-whip if you're looking to build a serious bicep in just one sitting). Then fold in 1 tsp. of white vinegar, a slosh of vanilla, a wee pinch of salt, a couple of teaspoons of cornstarch and maybe 8 tsp. of sugar.
3. Line a thin wide baking sheet with parchment paper and pour the "Pav" directly onto the paper. Try and create a rounded, but high, pile and straighten up the edges with your spoonula. Put it in the oven and instantly turn the heat down to 300 degrees F. Cook for 1 hour and 20 minutes.
4. Throw your empty mixing bowl into the freezer. If you have a MixMaster, you can take a snooze or watch some TV. If you're handmixing, however, leave the bowl in the freezer for about 10 minutes then start the hideous chore of turning your creamy cream (one container) into whipped cream. If you do it by hand, it will quite literally take you twenty minutes. After the cream has seized up a bit, throw in yet more vanilla, sugar, and now a hearty glob of the best cocoa you can find. The traditional way to serve a Pavlova is with fruit, and you can certainly omit the cocoa and tumble on raspberries, peaches or blueberries on top of your gleaming white whipped cream, but I like to give the cocoa option for my low-carb compatriots. Once your cream is whipped and glossy, throw it in the fridge.
5. Check to make sure your "Pav" is brown and cracked on top--if it is, it's done! Now turn the heat off and open the oven door, but leave the Pavlova inside--this will give you a fluffy but chewy result. Take out only when the whole thing is cool to the touch--including the baking sheet.
6. Glob on your whipped cream and top with fruit, or leave plain. I find the best way to cut this heavenly airy delight is with a pair of scissors.

Tips & Warnings

• Because it feels so light and almost cotton-candyish, you'll be tempted to eat the whole thing--I mean, you totally can. I'm just saying...