How to Respond When Your Partner Comes Out of the Closet

"Partner" means different things to different people. A partner can be a business associate, a close friend or someone you have been involved with in a heterosexual relationship. Here's how to respond when your partner comes out of the closet to you with an announcement of homosexuality.

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderate

1. Recognize that coming out to you is a sign that your partner trusts you, cares about you and wants to be able to live life honestly with you.
2. Acknowledge that it takes courage to come out.
3. Carry on an honest conversation. If you have questions, ask them.
4. Express how you are feeling, even if it's anger (which well may be the case if you are involved in a heterosexual relationship with the person coming out). Do talk about how you're feeling, but don't be demeaning or assume that your partner's choice has anything at all to do with you.
5. Come to a point of acceptance. While initially you may feel awkward and embarrassed, when you recognize that your partner is still the same person, you will be able to acknowlege and accept this new information and find a way to deal with it together.

Who Can Help:

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Tips & Warnings

• PFLAG (Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays) is a nationwide organization for parents and friends of homosexual people. If you are having trouble coming to terms with your partner's sexuality or you want to become more involved in supporting your partner, look into finding a chapter in your area. (See Resources below)
• Keep in mind that the person who comes out to you is the same person that he or she was before coming out.
• If you need to talk to someone to come to terms with the way you are feeling, don't be ashamed about seeking out a therapist.
• If the person who has come out to you is your partner in a heterosexual relationship, be prepared to end the relationship.
• Consider your own needs, but don't put your needs above the other person's.
• Don't be judgmental.
• While many people who are homosexual use terms like “queer” and “dyke” when referring to themselves, keep in mind that it is often considered derogatory when others use them.