How to Make an American Quilt

I have no actual idea how to make a quilt--American or otherwise. It just seemed shocking that no one used that as a title. But. We're here now:

Instructions

Difficulty: Easy

1. Winona Ryder is SUCH a self-conscious actress. Or should I say, "actress".
2. Anne Bancroft is a genius--even in this precious piece of detritus. I mean, Miracle Worker? Come ON, Shelly!
3. Kate Nelligan--and I know you don't know her name--is a great actress. I don't quite know why she hasn't garnered more acclaim and adoration. She was a WIZARD in The Prince of Tides.
4. Dermot Mulroney, although craggy, is a shining example of how men age beautifully and become ever more attractive--even with that mauled lip of his. What's that from--a cat? Although all of this is immaterial to this movie because it was, like, 12 years ago.
5. It also stars Maya Angelou.....zzzzz.
   I mean:
   It also stars Maya Angelou! Weeeeeeeeeeee!

Tips & Warnings

• Don't see this movie. I saw it only because I missed my train to new york, so my friend and I bought orange juice and vodka and poured them into a honking silo-cup at the movie theater and watched Winona die. Or Ellen Burstyn die. I don't know--somebody dies. And then we trained it down to the city, slightly besotted. So, if those are your circumstances, by all means--see it.