How to Choose a New Name

What were your parents thinking when they named you? Or so you ask yourself every time you fill in a form, sign your name or say “here” in class when your name is called. Maybe your given name seems lackluster? Maybe you desire a more modern moniker? Or resent being one of 12 Jessica’s in your graduating class? Whether or not you decide to go whole hog and change your name legally or simply adopt a nickname full-time, follow these steps to learn how to choose a new name.

Instructions

Difficulty: Easy

Things You’ll Need:

• Pen and paper
• Internet access
• Dog names books
• Baby names books

1. Devour books of baby names. Make lists of names that appeal to you and that you can imagine hearing whispered in intimate moments. See the Resources section below.
2. Search Internet sites for baby names. See Resources below.
3. Read books on dog names—you’d be surprised how sophisticated they can be, despite the continued popularity of “Molly.” Make a list of dog names that seem to be YOU. See Resources below.
4. Consider your favorite characters from books, television and movies. Are there names that would work with your personality, or the personality you hope to develop? See Resources below.
5. Make a top 20 list (if the best one hasn’t already jumped out and bit you on the butt). Try them out on your tongue both alone and paired with your existing surname.
6. Write all 20 names in cursive, 10 times. This will knock out the ridiculously long ones.
7. Do an Internet search of your top 10 names to discover any unpleasant associations with any of them—serial killers, poisonous plants, the inventor of disposable diapers—before taking the plunge.
8. Keep the list with you at all times so that you can review it and ponder it at will. Spend 6 months doing this, or until your significant other is tired of hearing you dwell on it and screams, “Just pick a name already!”
9. Pick your new name from a billboard on the way to the courthouse to file your change-of-name request, or on the drive to your parents’ house to make the announcement of your new name, thereby driving your mate up the wall, out of the car and into the arms of your best friend, so you can sally forth a new person, ready for anything.

Tips & Warnings

• Read the opposing gender’s list of names when reading books of baby names or visiting Web sites. Sometimes surprisingly suitable names appear primarily on the opposite sex's list but could work for you!
• Check out the popularity of a particular name you admire. Going from one of 12 Jessicas in your graduating class to one of 17 Emilys at your dormitory could be a drag.
• If pissing off your parents is your goal, reject them all the way by changing your surname, too! Choose one from another branch of the family tree (if you don’t want to reject all your relatives at once), or find one that reflects your ethnic heritage or cultural leanings, or that literally describes you—“Laura Littlefoot,” “Cooper Copperhead” or “Dora Doom.”
• Picking your name from a billboard isn’t anything new; it’s how your parents did it when they were on the way to the hospital with you.
• Don’t fail to remember that a name change takes time and effort, and that changing your mind in 6 months will make you look like a flake. As with tattoos, a name can stick with you for a long time, so choose wisely.
• Don’t forget to include your surname when searching the Internet for negative associations with your potential names. You could discover something interesting about your family tree along the way.
• Don’t be surprised if your eventual offspring changes his or her name, too, after you’ve spent months, maybe years, deciding on just the right name to bestow to avoid your own parents’ mistake. You’ve set a precedent, after all.
• Don’t take this advice too seriously. Changing your name is a big step, but one that many navigate every day. Only you will know how you want to be known, so take your time.