How to Cope with Spring When You're Single

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By Bob Strauss
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For whatever reason—perhaps because in olden times village folk huddled in damp huts during the fall and winter, emerging to mingle (and procreate) only after the snow had melted—spring has long been associated with frolicsome lovers, the heart’s fancy and other piquant metaphors that you probably encountered in 11th-grade English class. But how do you cope with the merry blooms of May when you’re as unattached as a busted bicycle lock? Read on.

Difficulty: Easy

Instructions

Step 1

Appreciate global warming. Thanks to our warmer-than-usual winter, this year’s spring will feel like the DVD release of a movie you didn’t enjoy all that much the first time around. Hopefully, all the ardent lovers out there will have gotten their freak on back in late December and early January, so you won’t have to endure their public displays of affection out on the sidewalk.
Step 2

Stay inside. Your town may be thick with molting lovebirds, but that doesn’t mean you have to peer at their antics with binoculars. Avoid places where happy couples congregate (parks, movie theaters, fancy restaurants) so you won’t feel so self-conscious about your single status. If you’re feeling especially low, try frequenting venues where unhappy couples congregate (divorce court is an especially good choice).
Step 3

Don’t read newspapers or watch TV. In April and May, lazy photo editors love to print photographs of happy couples, accompanied by corny captions that run along the lines of “spring’s in the air!” or “the first robins of spring!” Forgoing the “light news” section of your local rag will help keep you sane, as will temporarily blocking Lifetime and The Hallmark Channel on your cable box.
Step 4

Walk your dog. Of course, if you have a pooch, you’ve had to walk him every day of the year, rain or shine. But a warm, sunny spring day is the perfect occasion to take your dog on an extended hike around the park or up and down your town’s main thoroughfare. Not only will you feel less lonely, you might also meet other single folks in the same boat as you.
Step 5

Chill out. When it comes right down to it, the reason you feel so miserable in the spring is that you’re weighing yourself against other people, and deciding that you come up short. This is what a drill sergeant would call “stinkin’ thinkin’,” which has absolutely no impact on anyone else but makes you feel worse. Learn not to do think this way, and your life will immeasurably improve, no matter what the season.

Comments

marielc said

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on 4/19/2009 Nice. I like to sit alone and drink some cappuccino.

jull14 said

on 4/18/2009 How to Cope with Spring When You're Single is a very well written article. Bob, this is a great article for those that are lonely during this time of the year. Hope you can help many people that are single now. Julia