How to Pick the Kentucky Derby Winner Every Time
They say that gambling is a fool's paradise, but by using a little savvy you should easily be able to select the winning horse at the Kentucky Derby every year.
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Instructions
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Names are crucial in backing the proper pony. Come on, who's gonna win, a horse with the moniker 'Greased Lighting' or 'Lazy Turtle'?
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Make sure not to bet on any of the horses you drugged in the paddock with quaaludes.
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Hire that 'horse whisperer' dude to interview the field of horses and get their take on things.
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Bet on every single horse. Talk about beating the system!
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Put your money on the fastest horse possible. Oh, you already were considering that? My bad.
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Don't bet on a moose! They may look pretty fast, but a moose has never won the Kentucky Derby.
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Avoid betting on any horses with a troubled background. In other words, you need to back one that comes from a 'stable' environment.
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Tips & Warnings
If you do end up losing all your money at the Derby, you can take a little solace in the fact that some schmuck out there that you don't even know probably got rich off of it.
