How to Visit Someone Who is Sick

I used to volunteer at a hospital through the chaplain’s office. My job was to visit sick folk, often those who had no one else visiting them. You don’t have to be a chaplain to be a good visitor for someone who is ill. Here’s some advice:

Instructions

Difficulty: Easy

1. Be willing to visit. So many people are creeped out by illness and hospitals—the tubes, the smells, the sunken looks from patients. They put it off, make excuses and then finally make a phone call three months after the person is better. Believe me, it’s worse being IN the hospital. So get over it. Without fail, every single person I visited thanked me.
2. Be a good listener. This is the top tip. Acknowledge what they’re saying even if you don’t agree with them. Nod and let them know you hear them.
3. Check any agenda you have at the door. It means do not offer up how your recent bout with hay fever is similar to your ill pal’s current cancer/open heart surgery/spinal disc fusion and here are some great treatment options. You’re there for them.
4. If they’re unconscious, some part of them can still hear you. Chose your words with care.
5. Let your pal have a sense of control by letting them guide the conversation. Ask if they feel like telling you what’s going on. Let them set the tone. Don’t be jocular and full of forced cheer because you can’t stand to see them in the doldrums.
6. Don’t make false re-assurances (“You’ll be up and around in no time!”) if you can’t deliver on that or have no evidence to support it.
7. Let them talk about their fears without changing the topic. Their fears will not contaminate you.
8. Don’t “cross talk” over the top of the bed with someone else (another visitor, a doctor) as if the patient in the bed isn’t there and can’t hear you.
9. Don’t interrupt, judge, criticize or argue. Don’t try and fix them.
10. If the patient needs an advocate and it becomes your role (rather than being a casual visitor), then the content of your conversations will change. It becomes appropriate to find out his or her wishes, communicate with doctors and nurses in order to take a stand on the patient’s behalf. As you discuss treatment options and game plans, good listening skills are still needed as you navigate what course of action to take.
11. Be real. Be genuine.